Chasing Wattpad

MESSAGES FROM "PSYCHO" XII !

Here is the latest batch of "messages to all followers" from "psychos" in the world of Wattpad. I have not been updating these like I should,  but there are plenty of them to post so I will catch up with them. They, as always, are taken directly from my email notifications when people I follow send out a message to all of their followers. I have not altered them in any way. If you recognize your message here, you probably need professional help. 

I hope you guys stop sending these soon. I don't know my roman numerals past 15. Oh and if you don't understand some of my responses I am probably just quoting one of my favorite movies. 

1. "I just spilled coffee on her vagina!"

     If you are having sex, you are doing it wrong.

2. "I can't stand all the fluff written on this site by so many female romance writers. I could never be a fluff girl."

     You keep using that word. I don't think that word means what you think it means. Having said that, yeah, you probably don't want to be a "fluff girl".

3. "I just got poked in the eye by my boyfriend!"

     See # 1 

4. "I have not been able to up-date recently. So sorry about that. Trump makes me sick."

      This is by far the only acceptable reason for not updating a story. Or not going to work. Or not wanting to live. Yeah, just about anything. 

5. "I am going to delete this crime story. I don't know anything about child pornography. I hate this!"

       Not knowing anything about child pornography is a good thing! (and please don't google)

6. "I hate Wattpad. I'm leaving. " (His name was Ed. He never left.)

     Why Ed, does this mean we are not friends anymore? You know Ed, if I thought you weren't my friend....I don't think I could bear it!

7.  "Have you entered the Wattys yet?"

      Have you entered rehab yet? 

8. "Wow 10 million reads on my novel today! Thank you all for the reads! I love you guys!" 

    Stop adding chapters that aren't really chapters and I'll be impressed! What do you have, like 280 chapters already? Stop it. Stop it now. The book ended 6 months ago. 

9. "What up bitches"

    Ugh. Get off Wattpad. 

10. "I like your story but your grammar sucks. lol"

      You suck. Your momma sucks. Your dog sucks. Your dad sucks.  Your school sucks. Your clothes suck. Your president sucks (he really does). Your hair sucks. Your house sucks. YOUR. LIFE. SUCKS. lol your ass

Okay, okay that last one was not a "message to all followers". It was just a comment in the comment section on one of my stories. I had just been aching to tell that idiot off. 

Hope all you guys have a great writing week!