Chasing Wattpad

Message to all followers from..."psycho"

I am a tolerant person. I was a cop for 20 years so you think I would kind of have to be. I have been shot at (lousy aim), had knives pulled on me (my gun was faster), run at with a car (that one got me, but I rolled with it), and thrown from a moving vehicle(that one hurt like a mother).  I have been yelled at, spit on, and have been on the wrong side of a curandera's black magic. I handled all of that. You want to know what I can' t handle? Yeah, that 's right, stupid messages from psycho people I am following. I don't mean personal messages either. Those are fine and I could ignore those. I really hate when my email gets filled up with "messages to all followers from....psycho"

I use my messages to tell you I have a new chapter out. Or maybe just to push a story I think you might have not seen. Maybe even to ask a question of everyone regarding one of my stories or one of the comments in my stories. I think that is a fair use of  the email messaging system. 

But really folks . Some of you psychos go to far. Here are some of the email messages to all followers that I have gotten so far that make me want to reach in through the mail and slap you.

1. "Hey guys I'm writing a new story. Check back soon. I can't wait for you to read it!". Seriously? You are emailing me to tell me you are going to email me later with a story. Are you kidding me? Do you live close by. Ever heard of a drive by shooting? No? Send me your address. 

2. "My cat just puked on the carpet. Ugh.".  No words for this one. I am having my buddies at Homeland Security track her down and have her taken out. 

3. "I just reached 10,000 followers!". WOW. You just sent a message to 10,000 followers to tell them you have 10,000 followers. Congrats. You're a jerk.

4. " Hey sorry I haven't responded to all your messages guys. I haven't been in the mood lately." Awww...you're so cute. I hope you get in the mood later. Seriously, email me back again when you are in the mood. I can't wait!

5. "If you're looking for this story I have taken it down. It will be back soon when I do some revisions." Yeah, what's the name of that story again?

6. " The Matador! The Matador!". Yeah, that was just kind of scary. I'm blocking him.

7. "I feel like crying". There's no crying in Wattpad! There's no crying in Wattpad!

8. "I can't find any of you anymore. Is anybody out there?" Nope. You're dead. You actually died a few days ago.  Nobody wants to be the first to tell you. 

9. "Hey guys. Going to class. Check in with you guys later! Muah!"-  Ugh. My head hurts.

10. "I have 50 new followers just today! Woohoo! Two of you lucky souls are getting a follow back". - Yeah, creep. Hope your computer crashes. 

Needless to say I have stopped following all these people. Some of them are batshit crazy, others less so. I followed them because their profile or their works seemed interesting. But it's okay. There are a billion people on Wattpad. I can do without people who think sending out psycho emails to all their followers is fun.

Seriously writers. Tell me about your writing. Update a story (please, more than 3 sentences, we already had this conversation). If you post any other stuff you should be reported to the Wattpad police. You know,  if there was a Wattpad police. Hey, that 's not a bad idea. I just might apply for that position.