Chasing Wattpad

Message to all followers from "psycho"...The Sequel

This is the second installment of messages that have been sent to "all followers" from people, who, for reasons I cannot understand, I am still following. Seriously who are these people? Why am I following them? What was I thinking? It's a mystery. However, it seems like they keep giving me something to write about. If you are on here don't cry. I read somewhere that there is no crying on Wattpad so just don't do it.

1. "Sup?"

Wow. You have 5,500 followers and you just sent them all a message that said "Sup?". You couldn't even muster up the strength to say "What's up?". Or maybe a "What's up guys? Hope you're having a good writing day". No, not you. You just sent a "Sup" you big talker you. You know this is a writing site right? You know, a place to show off your word skills? Of course you don't. To you I offer the words of Liam Neeson in his first "Taken" movie (adjusted for Wattpad of course), "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for fame on Wattpad I don't have that to give you. But what I do have is a particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. Now if you stop sending stupid messages like this it will be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you, but If you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."

2. "Has lol".

Well, gotta love this kid. Who's not gonna love a kid who has, you know, lol. I wish my kid had lol. She never has lol. Since you are only sending this message to 15 people (14 after this) I will let it go. You are forgiven. Go forth and lol your little heart out.

3. "Hey guys. There's this guy out there taking people's messages and posting them up on a book of his. It's pretty funny. But just watch out what messages you send out to all followers cause he might use them to make fun of you. Okay? Love ya! Tootles! "

Uh, okay. Got it. Thanks.

4. "I don't- I can't- I..."

I do. I can. I...will hunt you down and kill you if you don't finish your damn sentences!

5. "Have a new story idea guys! Will start on it soon!"

Show me the prose baby. Show me the prose.

6. "I have a question. Do any of you know that name of that actor who played the guy in that movie. It came out last year. I think it was in the summer. Not his name in the movie but his real name. Thanks! message me back!"

Oh yeah, yeah that movie. Yeah , yeah the one in summer with that guy. Let me see...hmm...

7. "Being a celebrity now keeps me real busy so ...

The message was longer than that but I just stopped reading right it there. I hate Wattpadders who think they are celebrities. Real celebrities don't write their own emails. Go away.

8. "I know I haven't been on here for a while. I'm not dead. Just been very busy."

Yeah, I read your stuff. I thought you were dead when you wrote it. My bad.

9. "The only thing stopping me from fucking leaving the house right now and not coming back is the Gogglebox."

I don't know what Gogglebox is and I am not in the mood to "Google" Gogglebox. But if it stops kids from leaving their house and staying off Wattpad then every house in the U.S. should have it.

10. "I love my followers!"

I love you too. Wait, how old are you? I was kidding. I don't love you. I don't even know you. You're one of those undercover detectives from "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" aren't you? I take it back! I don't love you!

Well that's it for today. Keep sending out messages and I will keep having something to write about. Have an awesome day writers.