back to you | paul atreides

twenty one

I shot up in my bed, panting. My shirt was sticking to my chest and I could feel the sheets were damp beneath my legs. I sat upright and pulled my hair up with a tie to keep it from sticking to my face. My eyes were drawn to the dim light coming from my bracelet. I turned my wrist over, staring at the rock as it glowed.

Paul was thinking of me. But why would he be thinking of me at this odd hour of the night? He should have been asleep. It wasn't odd though, I told myself. Paul was always thinking of me.

I looked down at my stomach and tried to process what I just saw. How would that even be possible? I took my hormone regulators just like every other person in this palace. Our healers made no mistakes, I knew it was not possible for their prescribed medication to fail me. Then how?

I glanced over at my side to see Feyd, still fast asleep. A sense of disgust and shame washed over me. How could I be sleeping in another man's bed, my husband-to-be, while there is a chance I am pregnant with another man's child?

No, I told myself quickly. There is no chance. Not at all. It would be impossible for this to happen, at least not under the guidance of Dr. Yueh. I trusted that the healer for House Harkonnen was just as skilled. There was no chance of me being pregnant. Dreams are dreams, nothing more and nothing less.

I looked down to see my bracelet pulsing again. Paul was clearly trying to make himself known. Could he know? No, he would have said something yesterday.

I laid back down on my wet and sweaty side of the bed. My eyes traced the patterns on the ceiling, trying to keep myself calm. Okay. I had a dream that I was pregnant. So what? It was a dream.

But what if it was real?

No, it's not. A dream doesn't mean anything. I probably was thinking of Paul because I got to see him all yesterday. Yeah, that's why.

The night went by slowly. I tried to go back to bed but sleep didn't come. Instead, I faked being asleep when I felt Feyd wake up in the morning. I could hear him moving around while he got ready, trying not to wake me. I remained still when he leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

"I'll make things right for us." He whispered, almost inaudibly. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I heard his footsteps exiting the room. I almost wondered if he knew I was awake.

My day passed as normal, but it certainly didn't feel it. I didn't dare to go read in his waiting room, I wouldn't allow myself to use or touch his things. I didn't deserve that.

I told Yuma I was sick so she wouldn't worry about me being alone in my room all day. It felt as though I'd been awake for two days straight, but my body wouldn't let me sleep. I felt exhausted and wanted to rest my body but my mind was having a field day. Paul. Feyd. Marriage. Possibly pregnant.

So what if I was pregnant? I wondered. How would I even explain that to Feyd? To Paul? Would Feyd still agree to marry me if I was pregnant with an Atreides heir?