back to you | paul atreides

fourty four

The next few moments after that went by in a blur. My mind was clouded by several thoughts: How is that possible? Does this explain his abilities? How does Paul know?

Lady Jessica was just as surprised as I was. I could see it in her eyes, her decades of Gene Besserit training being questioned as she processed the words of her own son.

I tried to keep up with Paul's fast pace. He was marching straight through the foreign Fremen camp seemingly unharmed and unphased.

"The Harkonnens are already weak. Our Fremen have been attacking their machinery on and off for weeks now, it has nearly halted their spice production. Their spice production is barely enough to sustain a dozen ships and it likely won't pick up from here."

"So what does that mean for us?"

"For us?" He repeated. "It means that space travel has slowed and the Emperor is mad. He wants the Fremen dead."

"So this is a perfect time," I noted.

My husband smiled. "To fight back? Exactly."

For someone who was in a coma for days, seemingly dead, Paul bounced back rather unnaturally quickly. That is to be expected, though, considering his newfound near-immortality. He seemed as though he had just woken up from a year-long nap.

"I should go back to warn the others," Jessica suggested, "or maybe we should all go back-"

"We'll head back, yes," Paul responded, "but don't worry, they already know. They will be prepared by the time we return." 

I was going to ask how they already knew but I didn't have to. Alia, I thought. 

Jessica placed a hand on her son's shoulder, haltering his movement. "You're sure of this, Paul?"

Jessica was not one to doubt the Bene Gesserit, and she was certainly not one to doubt her own training and years of faith. She lived for this moment. Trained for this moment. Waited her whole life to hopefully witness this moment. 

But this was not the Bene Gesserit talking, this was Paul's mother. Now that it was happening to her own son, I see the fear in her eyes. I could sense the fear in mine, too. Fear that maybe he knows too much. Fear that maybe he is wrong. Fear that maybe we will do something we are not destined to do.

Was he sure he was ready to risk our lives to fight the Harkonnens? Did he understand the consequences of going to war, and how we may end?

Any Bene Gesserit would know the answer to this, but a mother and a wife will always need reassurance.

"I am certain of what needs to be done," Paul told us with confidence. "If there is one thing you decide to believe, please let it be that. Trust what I am telling you. I can see it all."

This was true, and the thought caught me off guard. Paul was aware of the past, present, and future. Time was no longer linear to him. Knowledge and power no longer held the same value because he was knowledge and power.

"So, how much time do we have left to get things sorted?" Jessica raised her chin and stiffened, her maternal instincts being set aside as she faced the news of war with a brave face. 

"Just enough. I'll go speak with the Naib of our current sietch. Please go speak with the locals and let them know what is going on, mother."

She nodded and left the two of us together, making her way to a group of local women. Jessica was quick to accept this news, it was likely her grace and duty pulling her back to reality. 

I was not ready, though. Not quite. How could I be? I just thought Paul was dead a mere few minutes ago. I lived through the stages of grief and revival all within the hour. What if this was nonsense talking? He was high on the spice, convinced this would save the universe.

"Are you okay, Paul?" I asked him, my heart aching. I looked him up and down for any sign of damage because it felt unnatural to have someone be so fine, almost in better condition when he was so recently on the brink of death.

"Yes, I'm okay." He nodded patiently. "Really, nothing is wrong with me. I did more than just survive."

I felt my shoulders drop, my head tilting to the side as I stared up at him. "I was so scared, Paul."

Paul's expression softened like melting ice as he realized what I needed. I didn't need to say anything else because he already had me in his arms.

"Oh, Lia." He was quick to pull me into a hug for the first time since I had seen him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't even stop to make sure you're okay."

I missed him, this was true. I missed his affection, his company, and his love. I missed him. He had been so busy with Fremen affairs that it felt like we never got the time to be together anymore, not even as friends.

I would remind myself that we aren't kids anymore, that isn't realistic to think. But sometimes I just wanted him to be there for me. Or, just be there with me. It felt like this was the first time he was actually seeing me for weeks, truly, as a partner and not just someone he cohabitates with.

That thought almost made me want to cry. Paul was always there in our home, with our baby, with me. He would go through our little routine every single day but the way he treated me made me feel like a puppet. I realized now this desire to see Paul and the sadness that didn't quite go away even after I discovered him happy and safe. Part of him still felt missing.

"I've missed you," I whispered against him, and I know I meant more than just the time he was gone.

"I'm here now." He rubbed my arm soothingly. "For you and Leto. I'm going to get us all together again, I promise. After this everything will be normal."

"I hope so." I whispered against his chest, but I wasn't sure if it would be true.

***

i am so sorry i haven't updated when i said i would. the guilt haunts me daily.

i am so so busy with school and research and now i am pre sure i gots depression lol so hopefully with my motivation will come my desire to write again but i am hoping to finish this story shortly, i don't want to just not write another chapter / disappear so i am hoping within the next week or so of posting this ill have another chapter done. i am sleep deprived rn also so i apologize it is short and has typos

if you want to look for updates feel free to follow me! also please check out "paired to the prince" it is the story i hope to work on after this and i think it will go faster because I'm more motivated to write it 

also, give me some feedback! what do we feel about where this is headed? what do we want to see? thank you loves for you patience, i appreciate you endlessly

with love,
via <3