back to you | paul atreides

forty nine

I stood there, in the centre of war, for a moment. Or maybe a few. I wasn't sure. The world was moving around me. War and death moved around me, but I was right here. I was right here.

I hadn't just watched my dad die, I also had to watch one of the most skilled soldiers I've ever known die in combat. What a terrifying thought, to know that even the most skilled people can die in combat.

My dad was gone. But I didn't have time to grieve. Not in the middle of war.

I tore my eyes away from the fighting around me and my eyes searched for a familiar face. I began walking forward, every step feeling like an eternity, each step reminding me I had to find Paul. The screams of Fremen echoed in my ears, but I just wanted Paul. I had to find Paul. 

I wasn't sure where to find him amidst the chaos, but I felt as if I was being drawn in the right direction. It felt as though there was an invisible string pulling me from my chest in the direction I had to move. 

My heart was beating hard. My emotions had felt so strong just moments before. I felt as though I was reaching my breaking point, about to spill over, and then It stopped. The build-up of anxiety and pain and sadness from just moments earlier was now gone. Or frozen. Or invisible. I think the pain was so much that I couldn't bear the thought of it anymore. If I were to survive, I couldn't feel this tear in my heart. I wouldn't be able to bear it. So it disappeared. I was numbed. For now. Just for a little while. 

I spotted him a few yards away, fighting off a handful of sardaukar on his own. He was quick and fast, calculate and precise as we had practiced countless times. His blade moved swiftly and almost beautifully as he slit the throats of the soldiers. He moved so gracefully I could almost forget he had killed. 

His back straightened as his blade returned to his side and he turned. His eye caught mine, and I already knew he knew. He knew my dad was gone. 

I had reached him, a few steps away. The fighting continued around us. "Paul," I croaked, holding myself together.

"Lia." He frowned and pulled me into his arms without hesitation. "I'm so sorry. We will end this, okay? Be strong with me."

I nodded into his arms, and that was it. He let go to turn his attention back to the Fremen. He had to lead. He had to be strong, even if I was going to fall apart.

But I wouldn't. I was resilient no matter how weak I felt. I could grieve my dad later. His death couldn't be in vain. 

The large army of Fremen had gotten closer to the palace. I was amazed to realize we had actually managed to take down the first line of Harkonnen defense despite their large weapons and numbers.

I stood beside Paul as we eyed the palace, surely a few hundred meters, maybe few thousand meters away. The Shield Wall seemingly pulsed in front of us, a large barrier guarding the capital of Arrakis. We exchange a silent look, knowing that our ability to finish this war rests on our ability to breach this seemingly impenetrable shield.

The sun was barely visible by now, the sand was now being lit by the moon and stars. The night air was heavy with anticipation, I could almost sense the desire for blood and death from the Fremen surrounding me. People trained to kill, although scary, were currently detrimental to potential victory. 

I took a small step back, allowing Paul to lead. I watched him. His eyes held a small light, determination, as he led this army of hundreds, no, thousands of men and women. He was fascinating, his movements fluid and deliberate as he navigated the desert with grace. As if it was his birthright. 

His his swept the crowd, a mixture of both pride and grief swallowed his features, quickly replaced with coldness.

"Lay our explosives along the wall!" Paul shouted, nearly screamed, into the desert and for his people to hear. "Find the weak points, blow it up!"

He was fast to assess the situation and react quick enough to tell us what do to. I was fascinated by him. Intrigued. In awe.

He took a step back, bringing himself closer to me. He looked between me and a large alien structure at the centre of Arakeen.

"You see that?" He held his hand up and pointed to it. "That's where the Baron is. It's where the Emperor is. That's where we need to be."

I followed his hand and watched the odd structure. It glistened in the desert light. It looked powerful, well guarded. But Paul did not look afraid, instead, he looked confident. So I decided that I would be, too. We had to get him to the emperor. I wasn't sure what he needed to do after that, but we would get him there. 

We set his plan into motion, planting explosives at strategic points along the base of the Shield Wall. The Fremen worked tirelessly, their actions quick and calculated as they prepared the charges that would shatter the barrier standing between us and the Baron.

And then, after several moments, our army stepped back to shield themselves. With a silent prayer, we detonated the charges, the earth trembling beneath our feet as the explosion echoed across the desert.

In that moment, time seemed to stand still as we watched the dust and debris swirling around us like a desert storm. A large cloud of dust moved toward us and swallowed us whole. For a moment, I thought we had blown ourselves up. I clutched my stomach as the impact sent me to the ground, though not enough to badly hurt me. 

After a few seconds of explosions, I was able to push myself back up along with the rest of the Fremen. The large cloud of dust made it impossible to see far ahead. And then, as the dust began to settle, a gaping hole appeared in the once-impenetrable barrier. It was clear that the opening penetrated exactly where Paul had pointed to me, leading us directly to the Baron and Emperor. 

The Fremen cried out around us. We had done it. The next stop was to charge Arakeen, to meet with the Baron. The Emperor. For the Fremen. To avenge... well, I had forgotten who, my heart was too heavy with loss to even remember what we were fighting for. I had forgotten why Paul wanted this. 

With another loud war cry, the Fremen charged forward, Paul in the lead. As we moved past the Shield Wall, a wave of fear washed over me. I wasn't sure what the next step in this war was meant to be. I didn't know what to expect. I wanted to ask Paul, I wanted to reach for his comfort. But at this moment he was not mine, he belonged to the Fremen. He belonged to this war. For now, I was alone. So I charged forward with the Fremen. 

***

hello lovelies

i have been MIA yeah sorry i feel very guilty just so busy with life broke up with my bf (yes i've been writing this so long i've been able to date and break up with 2 people lol) and finishing my thesis so i can graduate!! was sadly waitlisted for my top PhD program but I'll figure something out (i am angry)

i'm going to try and get this done by the end of April but worst case i graduate in like 3 weeks and i can focus for sure then. 

i also watched dune 2 (loved it!) but personally the ending felt so abrupt. i was planning my ending initially based off the original dune book (for most part), my ending will not be as abrupt don't worry. i have maybe several chapters left for this story so it is coming to an end

this chapter is shorter because i wanted to get something out - the next ones will hopefully be longer and not rushed. i dont want to keep giving shit chapters for the sake of chapters

if you have any question or any suggestions i'd love to hear them! thank you all for your patience

with love
via <3