back to you | paul atreides

eighteen

I went on about Paul for a little while longer. It was a lot more cathartic than I thought it would be, and to my surprise Feyd seemed to be genuinely listening to me as I went on about my best friend. It felt a bit odd discussing Paul with him, but it was a good feeling to have someone listen.

Time went by and life on Giedi Prime was more bearable than I had initially predicted. It was and odd adjustment for me because I wasn't used to having so much free time. I realized that I didn't know what I liked or if I had any undiscovered passions, so Feyd suggested I take up reading.

So I did. He was kind enough to offer me his entire collection of books to choose from, except I didn't know where to start. To solve this, whenever I finished a book Feyd would show me a new one. It was interesting to watch him happily browse through his maze of novels just to pick the ones he thought I'd enjoy best. If anything, I felt very flattered to have someone handpick stories for me. Trusting someone else with a fictional world you hold close to your heart is an act of confidence and generosity that I was starting to appreciate, so I felt a lot of gratitude for his kindness.

It was a cute little routine we had. I'd be curled up on one of the chairs in his waiting chambers and he'd join me by the time the sun had set. Feyd would sit across from me and we'd read together in silence, stopping every once in awhile to ask about each other's day. He might pull a book or two off the shelves so I'd have something to read for the next day. If this was what life would be like with him, then I had nothing to be afraid of, I thought.

I amazed myself at how much you could get to know a person in such a short span of time. My time with Feyd was limited, but our regular conversations over dinner and in the evenings taught me many things I wouldn't expect from him. I had gotten close enough to him that I think I would call him a friend.

Did you know Feyd-Rautha hated sand? He told me it was coarse, and rough, and irritating. And it got everywhere. He also preferred the rain over the sun which made sense, I supposed, growing up on Giedi Prime. He shared his childhood stories with me and I shared mine. Sometimes we'd find ourselves talking for hours on end in his waiting chamber and I'd find myself asking him more questions just to keep him in his seat a little while longer. His company had grown on me.

But I still thought about Paul, and I know Paul thought about me. Sometimes I'd be laying in my bed at night and I'd see the small rock light up on my wrist. I'd think about him in the day, when I was with Yuma, at dinner time... I had built a routine without him, but I wasn't sure how to fill the empty feeling I knew only he could fill.

The good news was that my time spent in the palace felt nothing close to the feelings of entrapment I had imagined. Feyd had all control over me and my place in this society, but it wasn't a position he abused. It wasn't even a position he ever exercised. He gave me the freedom to do and act as I pleased.

His confidence grew each day that the Baron had moved away from the idea of conflict or war with House Atreides. This was always a relief to hear, knowing my actions hadn't been in vain, even if it meant leaving my best friend.