❝we have different destinies, paul.❞
❝bullshit. we choose our own destinies, and i choose you. over and over again. always.❞
When House Atreides must uproot itself and move to Arrakis, Lia finds herself worrying more and more about Paul and the dema...
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Lia stands a few feet away from me, our bare feet buried in the sand as we stand in the middle of the desert. We're facing each other. She's gorgeous, glowing. I stretch my hand out to touch her but I can't reach her. She's out of reach.
She's standing right in front of me in all of her beauty, the wind blowing her soft hair, her smile directed towards me. That smile. That beautiful smile. The smile she reserves for me. I crave her touch, my desire for her brings a burning sensation to my chest so bad that it aches. Why can't I touch her? I want to touch her. I want to hold her. I want to be with her.
It's the same dream I see every night. I can't seem to understand what it means. What is this message? What is Lia trying to tell me?
This time though, her hands move to her abdomen. She cradles her stomach as if it carries something precious, delicate. That's when I see it. The glowing. It comes from her belly and suddenly I can sense the life that grows within it.
My eyes shot open.
She's pregnant? She's pregnant. She's pregnant...
Oh my god, she's pregnant.
There were no words to describe the pain that hit me. A sharp stabbing sensation touched me in the centre of my body, I felt my muscles weakening. The image of Lia carrying the child of that Harkonnen made me shiver in disgust. I imagined Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen touching her intimately just as I had. Did he force her? Or did she accept him willingly? The thought brought on a rage I never knew I was capable of. The urge to hurt a man I didn't know was overwhelming. My nails dug into my palms as I held two tights fists.
I felt the betrayal brewing inside me. How could she? She already tore me apart when she left, but how could she touch a man in the same way she touched me? Was I that replaceable? Disposable? I had only just felt what it was like to love her when she left me for another man. Now she was pregnant with his child, too?
I hadn't realized how laboured my breathing had become until my mother sat up from her sleep beside me. She rubbed the sleep from her eye to look at me.
"Paul?" She asked in a hushed whisper. "What is it?"
I shook my head, closing my eyes as I attempted to channel the peace and calm my Bene Gesserit mother had helped me master. "Just a dream." I told her as I allowed the calm to wash over me.
A wave of relaxation reached my chest and spread through my body. I imagined it spreading from my centre to the edges of my limbs, taming a the fire that had just been ignited. I replayed this sensation over and over in my mind, hoping I'd feel the familiar sense of tranquility I knew was possible, but I didn't. My anger and pain couldn't be numbed.
Lia. Pregnant. Pain. Jealousy.
She chose him over me. She chose the Harkonnen over me.
The hardest part was that I couldn't tell her not to. There was no pleasure or gratification in an unrequited love. I couldn't force her to love me or to pick me, but god I wish she had.
