back to you | paul atreides

thirty one

Stilgar was impressed that we were able to make it to the next sietch well before sunrise. The Fremen moved fast through the desert, but I surprised myself by keeping up with them.

The most recent sietch welcomed us and allowed Stilgar and his men to search for Atreides soldiers. Luckily they were able to find 4 men who had escaped the attack in Arrakeen and found refuge here.

I had fiddled with my bracelet, touching the white rock on and off throughout our travels. I hoped that maybe Paul would see how much I thought of him and perhaps would be reminded of how much he missed me only just a few days ago. It was sad to think of how fast things could change in the matter of days.

Stilgar encouraged us to rest again before we took off for the next sietch. I wasn't ready to go to bed yet though so I wandered the unfamiliar location alongside Yuma.

My eyes found Paul across the room and I watched him as he smiled at Chani. The two of them were sat across from each other as they ate their food, just as they usually did. I felt a sense of longing, a dread that made me want to run and hide. Why couldn't him and I talk like we used to? Why was he so against fixing things?

I could hear Yuma speaking to me, but her words were going over my head. The only thing I was focused on was Paul. How was he feeling? Was he thinking of me? Was he still grieving the Duke?

I watched him stand up from his spot and make his way in the direction opposite of us. My heart began to pick up and before I could stop myself I spoke.

"Paul." I called to him.

He stopped walking and paused, straightening his posture with his back still to me.

"Can you talk to me," I asked, the defeat evident in my voice. "Please."

His shoulders moved as he sighed, turning around to face me, his eyes empty. "We've already talked, Ophelia."

"I don't just want to talk, I want to fix things." I played with my wrist, feeling my lip tremble. "You're angry, and I'll never be able to fully understand how betrayed you felt when I left you, but I'm asking you what you need from me, or what I can do for you to make things better."

He stared at me. "What makes you think I want to fix things?"

"Well, you're my best friend..." I trailed off, frowning. "Nothing could change that."

"You don't get it," He shook his head sadly at me. "You weren't just my best friend, you were everything to me and I wanted you to see me that way, too." He stared at the ground. "But you made your choice when you left, and you didn't choose me. There's no coming back from that."

"You know why I left. It had nothing to do with leaving you, and everything to do with protecting you. My leaving was me choosing you, not Feyd-Rautha."

He narrowed his eyes at me and I could see him clench his jaw. "Lia, you're pregnant."

I felt the heat rush to my face and I looked around to make sure there was no one nearby to hear him. "Yes I'm pregnant." I scowled, feeling hurt. As if being pregnant was a reason to reject me. "I can't believe you, how dare you use that against me! I'm lonely and scared and have absolutely no idea what is happening to my body. Of all people I'd expect you to be here for me." I hesitated before adding. "And you were my everything, Paul. You were more to me than a friend. I wanted more with you. I still do. I want to be with you."