My Person

Ch 20

It had been almost a week and Ben was struggling to deal with this situation with Miranda. He hadn't been able to sleep at all from worrying about Miranda because even though they were in the same house she had completely shut him out. She wouldn't talk to him and whenever they were in the same room she would find a reason to walk out and just lock herself in the guest bedroom down the hall or in their unborn daughters room.

She had already had three nightmares that week but he couldn't do anything because she locked herself in the room. He just stood outside the bedroom door calling out to her hoping that he could wake her up. Ben didn't think that this was an issue he wanted to subject Tuck to so he asked Tucker to let him stay while Miranda healed emotionally.

He told Miranda that he wouldn't leave her alone but he had to get out of the house because it felt heavy being there. And it made him feel sad and angry because it felt like he was losing his best friend and wife. Ben arrived for his shift at the fire station for the first time since the incident happened.

"Hey Warren," Travis greeted Ben first with enthusiasm but it switched when he saw how he looked.

"Ummm Warren are you okay? And take what I'm about to say as me being caring and concerned but you look terrible," Travis told Ben as he placed his hand on his shoulder.

"No everything isn't okay but I don't know what to do so I thought I'd come to work. And I haven't slept in almost a week so that is a contributing factor to why I look terrible," Ben said in a raspy voice.

"Are you sure your going to be able to work?" Travis asked feel bad for his friend.

"Ummm honestly working is better than being at home right now so yes I will be fine," Ben said as he took off upstairs.

Miranda opened the guest bedroom door and stopped to listen if Ben was still in the house. When she realized she was alone she grabbed her car keys and drove to the hospital.

"So Miranda what brings you here to see me today?" Dr. Hall asked.

Miranda sat on the couch looking down as she played with her hands. "Ummm I know you know about what happened to me. The rumor mill around here is constant," Miranda said.

"I do but I want to hear it from you so that we can work through it," Dr. Hall replied.

"Since....since it happened I've been having very vivid nightmares. So much so that my husband tired to wake me up because I was screaming and I hit him in the face thinking he was....and now I'm afraid to be around him because I don't want to hurt him again in his attempt to help me," Miranda said as tears dropped into her hands.

"Why do you feel that it is best to shut him out instead of allowing him to work through it with you?" Dr. Hall asked.

Miranda stayed quiet as she thought about the question. "I know my husband well and he loves being with me and helping me so shutting him out definitely hurts more than me hitting him in the face," Miranda said giggling a little.

"But I still feel guilty because if I hadn't been acting so irrational and out of fear that I would lose my friendship with him, I would've already been with him instead of making the dumb decision to date a man I didn't really have feelings for.  And then he end up being insane and almost causing me to lose my life and my baby's life," Miranda explained as she began to breakdown.

"Have you talked to him about this?" Dr. Hall asked.

"Yes and he said he forgave me," Miranda whispered trying to compose herself.

"Then it sounds like you have to work to forgive yourself and stop punishing your husband by shutting him out in the process. Because you shutting him out in an attempt to punish yourself doesn't just hurt you but it's hurting him too. And I bet if you took the time to talk to him about how he feels about the situation he would tell you that's how he feels," Dr. Hall said.

"And the dreams are because you still feel afraid and that is going to take sometime to heal from. The emotional and mental wounds always last longer but as we work through it you will heal," Dr. Hall reassured Miranda.