like never before | beomkai

14 | baggage

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Kai didn't see Beomgyu for days. He was either canceling on them for club meetings that he had the privilege to join early, or he had a party he had to attend. And as much as Kai appreciates the kind nature around Beomgyu, he grew worried of how those have been affecting the older one's performance in university.

"Beomgyu skipped a few classes today because he had a hangover."

"This paper is due today and I don't think Beomgyu even started his already."

"He didn't show up for the group report."

Neglecting was never a Beomgyu thing—or at least, Kai never associated Beomgyu with such a word. He finds it unsettling whenever he gets a glimpse of the others rushing around the big campus at the last minute because he couldn't pass a requirement on time. This wasn't high school anymore when the teachers take late work and glare at you with a threat of "If you did this in college, you'll fail."

And to be honest, it's none of Kai's business. He's aware. So he barely gave Beomgyu a smile when they last bumped into each other a week ago in the student affairs. Despite the strong urges to pull the other in a comforting hold for looking so distraught.

Now, another week later, Kai stands in a lonely corner as he watches Taehyun set up the microphone and his guitar on the stage. It's club week, Taehyun was eventually convinced to join the music club and Kai was there for moral support. Unlike Beomgyu who had the connections to join a month prior, Taehyun had to wait at least twenty minutes for the auditions.

Kai waved his arms when Taehyun looked at him for encouragement. He was sure his best friend would get in anyway, so why would he feel nervous?

When Taehyun started performing his practiced song, Kai caught a figure walking towards him, wearing a simple white shirt and loose denim pants. He tried not to avert his gaze, even if his peripheral vision was yelling at him to do so.

"Huening Kai, hi," It was Beomgyu who eventually tapped Kai's shoulder to catch his attention.

But to no avail, Kai kept his eyes on Taehyun. He still replied with a greeting in return. "Hey."

"You should audition, too. We could be club mates and I'll be your senior," Beomgyu laughed.

The other's happiness drew a smile on Kai's lips. "Well, someone woke up to morning sunlight today."

"My bed faces a window, so I wake up to morning sunlight everyday."

"I know."

Beomgyu's head cocks to the side. "What?"

"What?" Kai gulped. He was not supposed to say that. "Uh, Taehyun seems so excited for the club, so take care of him well, hyung."

Thankfully, Beomgyu got swayed by Kai's attempt to change the subject. "You're talking like Taehyun's not my friend, too."

"Just making sure the seniors won't go crazy and give the juniors trauma."

Beomgyu laughed for the second time in less than five minutes. "There's none of that here, Hyuka. Don't worry."

The climax of the song approached when Beomgyu stood closer than before. Kai was tempted to step back, but that might give off the wrong message.

"We're worried about you," Kai broke the speechless space between them. Since Beomgyu didn't seem like he's in a rush, then this would be a good time to speak about the things Soobin would sigh out in their study table. "We barely see you and you've been... stressed with class."

"I'm busy. There's still so much I have to do, so I don't think I'll be joining you any time soon."

Then why won't you tell us? Why won't you ask us for help? Kai wanted nothing but to blurt those out but instead he took a deep breath, letting the air sit in his chest longer before breathing them out.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Beomgyu replied. "Just 'okay'?"

Kai finally looked at Beomgyu for the first time that moment and he just saw how close Beomgyu was standing beside him. He had to step away. "What else was I supposed to say?" Kai tensed his shoulders. He didn't know where the outburst came from.

"I don't know, Kai. You just always seem like you're holding back when you talk to me."

"I do that with everyone," Kai frowned.

It must have stirred Beomgyu more when his face contorted into a more upset expression. "I don't want to be everyone."

Beomgyu's words went straight to Kai's hammering heart. It took him off guard. Like that time at the bus with that cute drawing, that time in the break room with the compliments, and that time in the convenience store with the melted ice creams. Beomgyu made a habit of sending Kai in a spiral with one say, and it didn't flatter Kai as much as it should have if this happened before.

"Hyung, you confuse me," Kai whispered, words only meant to fall on theirs.

Beomgyu instinctively stepped back to the confession and his expression softened. But he said nothing.

This was not a situation Kai wanted to be in, so he shook his head to get back to his senses. "We're just worried. Take care of yourself more."

Like on cue, Taehyun stepped down the stage with a big smile on his face, and Kai welcomed his best friend in a bone crushing hug. Yeah, Kai thought with Taehyun's arms wrapped around him. I'm not joining the music club.

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The next time they studied in the cafe, Beomgyu was the first person there.

"You're here!" Soobin ran to sit beside Beomgyu, and it took Kai a lot not to coo at the sight. You don't see them like this often when they fight all the time.

"Geez. I know I'm the favorite."

The atmosphere was—well, awkward. Maybe not for the others, but when Beomgyu avoided Kai's eyes, he knew that they weren't talking to each other any time soon. It was a price he had to pay for letting the pent up emotions and overdue baggage leak even just a little.

Yeonjun sat in front of Beomgyu and they both shared ideas and ways to do this and that for lessons in their classes. It's definitely a perk to have when you're both taking the same course—Kai lets himself feel envious of that for a second.

"I'll get going now," Kai announced when his alarm went off, and a series of farewells followed.

Beomgyu didn't spare him a glance as he predicted.

With a heavy heart, he left.