like never before | beomkai

26 | tap tap tap

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"Taehyun, listen.."

Tap tap tap.

Taehyun's feet moved up and down, creating a sound and showing his impatience. Don't misunderstand—Taehyun isn't mad. Perhaps he feels a bit betrayed, but definitely not angry. He still wore a skeptic look despite getting the explanation he was asking for; Kai knows exactly what he needs.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner," He began.

"And?" Taehyun prompted for more.

Kai sighs, exasperated. "Well, I.. I don't know! Beomgyu just happened and there were a series of mishaps that's seriously not something I can explain in great detail if you keep pacing around like a mad father."

"Fine, fineee—I was just playing with you anyway," Taehyun dropped his act. "I would rather you not tell me anything, than you telling me everything even if it makes you uncomfortable." Kai squealed when Taehyun trapped him in a headlock. "But this is for telling Soobin hyung first before me," Taehyun grunts.

It's a few days after the concert and Taehyun threatened to revoke Kai'a best friend card—definitely nothing out of the ordinary.

The only difference lately was Beomgyu actually attending his classes regularly and taking any chances he could get to spend time with Kai. (Although, if everyone was being honest, the last part should not be considered as a difference when Beomgyu used to do that before, but he was just in denial.)

The big question was—did Beomgyu take Kai out after the concert?

Well, not yet. Besides their normal library study dates and café hangouts with the others, they barely had time to go out... unfortunately.

Kai in particular when his schedule technique has quite a tight grip on him.

"He's taking you out for dinner?" Taehyun asked when Kai was choosing the best clothes to wear for the day. "It's a date?"

He shook his head, but reluctantly nodded. "I guess? I need to buy pens and papers because I ran out and he said he wants to come. Not sure if we'll have dinner together."

"You should. He's accompanying you to a long stationery shopping—he's a keeper."

Kai had to laugh. "You're talking like you don't know him."

"I mean, don't we? Hyung's very mysterious, don't you think?" Taehyun's voice was lowered. It's like he didn't want anybody else but them to hear the biggest secrets.

"He's opening up slowly, Tyun. It's not easy to destroy the walls you build," Kai mused. "Hyung had always been reserved. He likes to hide things."

Taehyun stands up to assist Kai with a denim jacket he's been eyeing. "Hiding things from your significant other is not exactly an admirable trait."

They fall silent, Kai resorts to fiddling with the buttons of his clothes in hangers. Taehyun seemed to have opened the covers of his brain and read every detail when he tisked.

"You're not official, aren't you?"

Kai groans. "We haven't had the chance to really talk about it..." His confidence was already failing him. Taehyun shoots him a warning look, and he knows he can't stop there. "I said we're just friends."

Taehyun flicked his forehead. "You're an idiot."

"In my defense, he asked if we could just go back to casual flirting first. I just had to say something that would-"

"Give your pride justice?" Taehyun hits a nerve. He left no room for Kai to speak. "The two of you should talk about it—come to terms with your feelings, both of you. Even Beomgyu hyung isn't clear about his intentions."

It was easier said than done.

Talk. All they do is talk. Kai spent the entire week thinking about talking to Beomgyu since the party and now his thoughts will be filled with nothing but that again.

Who said things will immediately develop the way he wants it to be? Taehyun was right; Beomgyu is mysterious, he's unpredictable. Who knows if Beomgyu doesn't want anything serious at all?

Not him. Definitely not him.

Not when Kai wants to date Beomgyu now more than ever. He wants Beomgyu all to himself. He doesn't want uncertainties, he hates guessing games.

He wants to love Beomgyu without being afraid of crossing blurred lines.

So, maybe that's why he came earlier than planned for their meet-up.

choi.beomgyu sent you a message.

Kai looks at the screen, shuffling on his feet as he's waiting for Beomgyu to arrive in whatever he proposed to wear and match.

choi.beomgyu: I'm here! Look up, look up!

And he did.

He turns to search for the face of the love of his life above with the escalators and railings—and he sees Beomgyu with a cute smile on his face, waving excitedly like a child.

Maybe there's still so much to be unsure of, but Kai was certain with wanting every welcome Beomgyu makes to be his.

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They enter a bookstore, the same bookstore they went to when Kai got hit by a ball. (It's not Kai's favorite memory, so they don't talk about it despite the fact.)

"Journals, Kai. There's new journals," Beomgyu whispered a little too enthusiastically to make Kai crack a fond smile. He grabbed the younger one's arm and dragged him to where the selections were. "The unicorn reminds me of you."

"This one reminds me of you," Kai showed him a petite black notebook. Beomgyu slightly tilts his head to gesture why. He answers, "Because you're tiny."

Kai earned a playful punch. "Not funny."

"You're cute sized!"

"Well, if you put it that way it's a little funny," Beomgyu said with a small voice, pretending that Kai's pure comment didn't shoot lightning to his heart. "Why do you like journaling?"

It made Kai think. "My mother passed the 'tradition' down to us," He drew quotation marks in the air. "It's personal and it helps me reflect on my day or what's happening around me."

"That's lovely. It's like you're carrying a part of your mother," Beomgyu grabs one notebook from the shelf. "I never tried journaling before."

"It's heavily stigmatized as childish."

"I don't think it's childish."

"As you should," Kai said. "It keeps my thoughts from swallowing me... if that makes sense."

It does, Beomgyu says with a nod. "Do you ever write about me?"

Kai looks at Beomgyu's curious face; he was anticipating, cheeks burning from the courage he must have mustered up to ask that question. Kai was tempted to say no, but he could almost see Beomgyu faltering if he did.

So, he admits to it. "My journal knows you well."

It must have been a habit when Beomgyu started playing with his bangs as soon as he got his answer. He watched Kai take the journal from Beomgyu's hand—whispering something that he missed before walking ahead.

Beomgyu's eyes widened. He made strides to catch up and clumsily brushing his fingers with Kai's unintentionally (read: intentionally).

"Hyung?" Kai called with his warm voice. It made Beomgyu's breath hitch with the littlest effort when he hummed. "Can I hold your hand?"

Beomgyu melts. "Yes, please."