like never before | beomkai

30 | beomgyu lover

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University was demanding.

When Kai was younger, his sister never spared him from the constant rant about professors and readings. They followed a similar path, both wanting to become a lawyer, but she was leaning towards the same route Taehyun took with Legal Management instead of Politics—she said it was better than the study about power and ideal governments. Time and again, Kai argues that politics and law will always find each other anyway.

His sister laughs over and over again, patting his head, and they talk about the current events happening in the country. A conversation their youngest sister never joins, but listens attentively to. Eventually, the topic falls back to university and how Kai was managing with all the stacked books on his desk from his unfortunate descent of being the role model student. She'd ask him how it's like to be in her shoes when she was a freshman, and Kai repeatedly contemplates his decision on even going to university in the first place.

So, maybe he did underestimate things. He thought his sister was just overreacting—she was always exaggerating what adulthood was to baby Kai—but he now had his fair share of sleepless nights now, too. What's worth noting along was his share in his agreement with Beomgyu that he'll stop planning, akin to what Taehyun's been wanting him to do for years... or wait, a year? A few months? These days, Kai has been losing grip on time. He realized how heavily dependent he is on having full control over what's going to happen in a day, but now he's just stacking priorities over what he can do in his free time.

It was difficult. His time in the cafe became more nerve-wracking when there's no timer ticking. Beomgyu drives him home now, so he has unlimited time hitting two birds with one stone in study group arrangement. However, he does go overboard. It became apparent that while the schedules weren't healthy with going as far as counting minutes, the schedules also drew limitations clear.

"Kai, it's time to go," He remembers Beomgyu whispering closely to his ear one night. "We still need to stopover at the mall for the party balloons Yeonjun hyung ordered."

"Yeonjun hyung did that? What are you, 5?" Kai smiled, nuzzling his nose with the other. He gently moves back to look at his book, there's just 5 pages left. "Can I just finish this chapter?"

"It's quarter to the closing time."

Kai nibbles on his bottom lip. Perhaps he can save this for later. "Okay."

"Let's go before you get grumpy," Beomgyu gives his cheek a smooch before beginning to pack his own things:pencils and papers. The others had already left, even Soobin, and now it's their time to leave with the last staff in the cafe giving them silent farewells.

However, Kai pouts at what Beomgyu said. "I'm not grumpy."

"Okay, okay," Beomgyu chuckles, a bit raspy from being tired. "I'm sorry," He apologized, but Kai knew that it wouldn't be the last time. The longer he's dating Beomgyu like this, the more Beomgyu gets comfortable about certain things he never used to show Kai.

And like all the time, Kai is patient. He takes what's given.

The breaking point? The thing is... to wait is to compromise, and to compromise is risking. When Rin told Kai that things will either change so soon or never at all, the man reminded himself that to wait also means to get better, and to get better is committing.

Beomgyu took his time and found profound comfort in writing journals. This way, he learns to open up even if it's to an inanimate object at first. He gradually knocks down the walls he built one-by-one, and in some days, he'll come crashing against Kai's body like an unresting tide carrying weights of waters he's been carrying for so long.