I Told The Stars About You

Soul Exhaustion

Art by @skmw_i on twitter and "Your World Maker" on picrew. 

"...When I was younger, when I was in elementary school. Every year, every grade, we would have a science fair, and the teacher would let us choose the topic of our project, as well as choose our partners, or our team. Well, I always chose Astronomy, or anything that had to do with the stars, the Moon, the planets. But, I had to choose the topic by myself since no one would want to be my partner, or my team..." he takes a deep breath, the public still looking at him, he Felt like he was going to shit himself at that moment.

Fuck.

"...I never knew why, I was quiet, maybe it was that or maybe it was the color of my skin...the Point is that, it was something about me that made them not want to be my teammate. And I had gotten used to that, having no one as my team." He glances from the corner of his Eye to Dalton's casket.

"...The science fair, they would put teachers to be the judges of the children's projects, and would always give out different level awards for the first, second and third places. And I always wanted to win, no matter what Price I won, I always tried my damn best at it... at all of it... all of the things that were involved in the project. I always did my best... but I never won."

"And all of that... loss, made me feel like... maybe it was me that was doing it all wrong, that maybe it wasn't the teachers with different 'good project' standards but that instead it was me that was not good enough. That i did not have a partner, and that just my mother and grandparents showed up to my presentation. It led me to... feel...like the outcast of my class... don't get me wrong, I did have one or two Friends but... never did I have... someone to partner up with at the science fair."

Almost everyone in the room seemed confused as to why he was talking about a core Memory of his childhood. Andrew continued, "... And so one day I met Dalton. And never did I get to think that I would fall deeply in love with him, and neither did I thought that I was going to be speaking at his funeral-" his voice cut off, the knife he felt once before, sliced his throat again.

"He was... the best person I've ever met. He was too perfect, so much that sometimes I thought "how is he even real?"... and he was... unbelievably kind, to me, to his friends, to his family, to his teachers, to everyone." His mouth formed downwards into a strong pout, tears began to roll down his face.

His head feels heavy as he looked down to his hands, he plays with the skin of his fingertips. "...it was like...I won, the day I met him." He stopped playing with his fingers and placed his palm open wide on the wood of the lectern. He had tears running down his face, the light from the light panels that hung from the ceiling lit of his face, only making his pale skin and puffy red nose be more noticeable.

He goes quiet. The people watching him speak only guess that this is the end of his speech. He gasps for air, trying to compose himself in front of so many people, this was already one of his worst nightmares.

"When he proposed to me... I wasn't worried...I was extremely happy, I thought "I'm marrying the love of my life!"...And he told me, he said that he felt he was in a dream every morning he woke up next to me. I didn't know what to say...I was in shock of how perfect he was. It was almost unbelievable."

He wipes off his tears, "...There was a time where I felt...worried- no, not worried, I felt anxious...about the wedding and all... and I told him, and we talked about it, he made sure to reassure me and made me feel...safe, like he always did."

"I'm an anxious person so, overthinking wasn't a news flash to me, or my mom, or to Dalton. But he didn't mind, every time I doubted myself, or that I...felt like I wasn't enough for him; every time he would say, "You are the most perfect human on this earth. You're exactly what I want and what I need... you're my star Andrew."..."