I Told The Stars About You

Talk with The Stars

-Andrew-

Over time I have realized that I will never find someone who loves me as much as Dalton did. He loved me, he truly loved me. He loved me more than I loved myself. My fucked up parts of my soul and mind that I'm completely terrified and humiliated of, he loved. He loved my physical being, everything about my physique.

It's sort of chilling when I think about the amount of love he had for me. I hate myself for realizing it all completely just now.

I remember when he started counting every single one of my freckles and said them to be stars. To be the thing I love most on this earth besides from him. It made me uncomfortable to think that my skin even began to compare to the night sky. But it was also helpful, I can still remember the pattern he traced on my skin and formed a constellation. I remember it so vividly that I could trace it myself and go get it tattooed. I might as well do.

There were times in which he would hold me so close to him that I felt his heartbeat calm yet also excited. He used to get all drowsy with the chilly air caressing us both, and our warmth carrying us together in a heart. And when he did, his yawning voice would sometimes whisper, "I love you." and I would say I love you back, and he would answer, "I love you more, so much more."

The words are completely tattooed on my brain. They play back every now and then.

Even after all this time I still think that I was the one who didn't deserve him. I miss him and will probably always miss him. I think I miss him more now since right now I sit under the stars on what used to be my spot, but now is our spot. I look up to the stars as the wind makes me shrink.

My mind rushes my memories back to when I was a child, and I cried to my mother after losing my dear cat. Then, I think about the moment I tried to console Dalton by telling him the exact same theory, or I guess... story. If it's really through, then Dalton would be a star. Then all the people who passed, all those loved ones who were lost; they are stars.

Do the souls of them create the stars? Did the blood, body, and soul of my love create him into a star? Is he here? Watching down on me? Is he listening to me? Has he been listening all this time?

If I tell the empty field around me, if I yell it even. Would he hear me? Would he remember me?

"Dalton was the only person, other than my family, that I loved so much." I speak without thinking, yet my words were meaningful. "I felt this connection to him, over all the physical and emotional, I felt...almost like a soul connection."

My heart jumps a little as I remember what it was like loving him, with him present, here with me. "Whenever I touched him, just the tiniest trace of his skin with mine, I felt some tingles inside me. Like small stars that just popped and popped like fireworks. It was very small but very noticable, I never said anything though; I thought it was just me."

I close my eyes, the wind rushes yet again, I breathe in sync with the sound of the air clashing against the leaves of the trees. "A dimple would appear on his right cheek every time he smiled. It was my favorite thing ever, it still is. He wouldn't like it when I poked that cute little dimple but I knew he secretly loved it."

"His hair would be such a mess in the mornings, all over his face and surprisingly wouldn't take any shape from the pillow. His breath didn't smell as bad as mine, and he still kissed me as if he had missed me."

"Everytime I felt down, and insecure. He would hold me and retice all the reasons for why he loved me. Each and every one of those reasons with stories behind it." I open my eyes.

One singular star shines bright, it stands out to me and makes my eyes water. "When I studied overnight, he would constantly wake up at random times and make me tea, coffee or a snack and then kiss me on the forehead; each time saying he loved me and that I'm doing great."

"I miss him very much. I think that's just a fact now, I miss him and I can't forget about him. I get these random flashbacks of things he would say to me, or do to me; and sometimes I quote his words in the same tone that he would."

"I wish I had some kind of time machine so I can go back to those times he was with me, and that time that he protected me, at that time that I could've ran away with him and saved him."

I close my eyes again to breathe. At the time my chest rises and falls, the air does so as well, I feel in union with the air, with the night and my entire surrounding. "I have not felt peace within myself for a long time. I've been depressed for so long after Dalton, now I'm starting to feel just the smallest ray of sunlight inside of me. I feel some kind of hope for my happiness in the future, but I still doubt that anyone or anything will be able to fill the hole of emptiness that Dalton left inside of my heart."

"Actually, there's times where I don't feel like I have a heart, sure it beats but I don't feel as if it makes me feel something, I don't feel anything; it doesn't worry or scare me to be honest, it feels somehow a relief to not feel something for a time."

"Maybe my body is helping me by turning off my heart feelings, maybe it really wants me to move on even if it means to make me emotionally numb.The body is very powerful by itself, so I think my body wants to save me, but if my body is my own; do I want to save myself?"

....

A/N 

This was a short chapter but I hope you enjoyed it. 

Moving on, the chapter will be kind of short since I will mostly picture Andrew and his journey in healing, and it'll mostly be of him pondering about his thoughts and feelings. 

Goodbye for now. Thank you for reading as always. 

-LTheauthor