Our Way Back

12. Awkward moments

A D V I K A

Talking to Rohit about a few things felt good but I didn't know if I could tell him any further just yet! As he sat there in front of me my face in his palms, it felt good no doubt but the feelings here weren't mutual that for sure I knew. Rohit surely felt something more for me than what I did for him.

As I felt his soft skin against my cheeks, his caring gaze over me, his warm breath on near me, I zoned out, again!

Fuck I seriously need to do something of this habit of mine of spacing out anytime!!!!

Rohit had never tried making any move that would make me uncomfortable but here we were sitting so close together in that heated moment, I didn't react, I surely didn't give in (maybe because you couldn't trust me I was a little drunk and light headed in that moment), but I didn't even stop him and he leaned in but before I could realize his lips were against mine. In that moment a face flashed in front of my eyes, who was surely not Rohit!!!

Slow and tender but absolutely wrong!!! This was all going too far and fast, faster than I thought!

I pulled back in a moment when I finally jumped out of my thoughts.

It was awkward, very much, why the fuck I am so clumsy, goddd this was going to be....I don't know very weird!!!!

As we pulled apart Rohit's face was all shades of red. Thanfully the food delivery was here and he went to get it. I just couldn't let the one person I trusted go away from me!

I didn't want things to ahead in between Rohit and me but I didn't even want things to get awkward between us which would lead to us not meeting frequently and not talking like we always do.

I made a mental note to tell him once he gets the food to the room that be normal as if nothing happened!

He came and sat besides me.
"Listen,..."

"I am sorry Advika. I shouldn't have done that, it was so stupid, I see ..I mean I don't want to you just run away due to my this behaviour you know"

"Shhh....stop wait, listen even I don't want us to just freak out and be awkward due to such , umm you know mistake or...you know what forget it ..forget that it happened cause I can't bear to get "no-so-on-speaking-terms" with the only person whom I can talk to for now."

"Yes okay I am fine with whatever you say",

"Huh as if he had the guts to disagree with me", I thought to myself and laughed internally at him.

"Great now enough drama, pass me the food", I said as my stomack growled.

"Yeah yeah, you love that more than anyone else"

"Toh kya obviously mere jeene ka sahara hai woh (Obviously I am alive because of it)", laughed at his face which was still blushed red.

We dug into our plates silently concentrating on the food.

I broke the silence saying, "You know I have grown up so alone in this huge house where only 3 people lived in the first place and out of the three it was only me who always used to be at home. When you are so alone everyone wishes for a elder sibling or atleast a younger one, anyone to give you company, to care for you and for you to take care of someone. You could atleast talk to them! Talking to living beings would have been better for me than talking to lifeless soft toys!
Imagine a 15 year old talking to her soft toy, how weird does that sound! Yeah that was me! I never had anyone and when a I got them I ....", My words trailed off, I missed them, very much, I hated being away from them every single day, It didn't matter to me that I was away from my parents but being away from them was making my heart colder day by day.

I was zoned out in my own world when Rohit gave me a slight shoulder bump and asked,
"Dude you need to stop zoning out every 5 minutes. I am not gonna ask for anymore information if you aren't sure you want to tell ne okay"

"Thanks yaa Rohit, you know I am grown to love my self, take care of myself and maybe this made me selfish. I didn't know since when I became like this but I started looking out for myself as if a whole different person is taking care of me. Everytime I protected myself from every physical and mental harm because I knew there would be no one to take care of me and my wounds, ....this habit of 18 years wasn't gonna just vanish in a span of 3-4 years, sure it was just supressed under all my other traits for a few years, but even I never ever realised this"

"That's fair enough, I mean after what you have been thorugh at such a young age this was bound to happen", Rohit assured me that I was right but I knew I could have still been a better person.

"Rohit don't you feel used by me. I mean even if you do I can't deny that. I know I kind of used you, I wanted someone to call a friend and just go that I was with you for the initial 2-3 years and I thought eventually we will part ways, so..."

"Seriously you thought that?", I couldn't make out I he was surprised or hurt.

"Listen, I am gonna be there for you no matter what. I have said that before and I am saying it now that you mean a lot to me. With all your problems going on you have made my life better. I am happy when I am around you. Yes I am a little hurt listening to what you said but it isn't gonna affect me or my friendship with you", Rohit was a very simple introverted person.

He had not many friends atleast not female friends. I met him while he was in London. He had offered her to stay with me as roomates when I was looking for a good place. In a year we had got close. Even though after he came back from London in a year of meeting me he made every possible effort to stay in touch and not let our bond fade away which was what I had thought would happen.

Being an introvert he had never done that for anyone, I surely was an exception. He wanted me to be with him even here in Mumbai like we were together in London.

When I decided to come back, along with my parents Rohit was the happiest person. Infact when he suggested my name to the casting team he had his little selfish motive to get to spend more time with me.

He had no idea so much would unfold in my life due to the project but again that wasn't his fault.

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