Our Way Back

10. Pouring her heart out.

A D V I K A

Rohit gave a slight squeeze to my hand and indicated that we have reached. We both got out of the car but I was able to understand his dilemma whether he sould follow me in or not, I was confused I didn't know whether I wanted him in there but when he decided to come with me, for some unknown reason I didn't object him! We went inside and I went a almost collapsed onto the couch all of the thoughts in my mind making me feel tired.

For a few seconds I closed my eyes and threw my head back on the couch and we both sat there in silence. I opened my eyes when I felt Rohit put his arm around me and gingerly placed my head on his shoulder. I didn't object. I needed this, I needed someone to understand me, take care of me. I couldn't talk to my parents about my life, no one infact, I was totally alone with myself in my head. Rohit was a very trustworthy friend. I knew I could tell him everything but I didn't want the only person who is out of this mess to be included in it.

Tears started forming in my eyes but crying was the last thing I wanted to do to destroy Rohit's evening. I got up from the couch and his eyes were still fixed on me making sure I was feeling fine which I certainly was not but I needed to change that. I signaled him to follow me.

Soon we were in my kitchen at a corner where my dad had set up a small cupboard which had the best of wines, and other stuff. Bourbon was more my type than wines. I placed 2 glasses on the counter and got a bottle from the shelf.

"Advika! Seriously?!"

"What? Aren't we supposed to be chilling? You fine with bourbon or you want something else? Feel free to checkout my dad's collection, it's purely sofesticated for his business meetings"

"But I thought you would want to talk! And anyways we have to work tomorrow and I seriously don't want to go with a headache!".

Oh god this classic Rohit! Always thinking about tomorrows!

"Fine I'll get you your favourite red wine but I am not leaving my bourbon", I said in a authorative tone

"God!! woman you won't listen"

I sat on the stool against the table pouring Rohit his red wine while he sat against me expecting me to speak something.

"Rohit you're cute but that doesn't mean when you are staring you don't look creepy", I tried to lighten the building tense atmosphere between us and thankfully he gave in.

"Oh please look who's talking, have you ever seen yourself sleep? You look like a living corpse that's way more creepier that this"

"Okay so why do you look st me while I am sleeping? What were you doing looking at me sleep?", I giggled knowing that I caught him well in his words. I smelled the scent of the smooth liquid in my hand and already felt good. I wasn't a frequent drinker but it helped me calm my brain cells and think better the next day.

"That's not the topic here, what I up with you Advika? I don't want to force you into telling me but I think you trust me that much to tell me isn't it?", his voice was calming, he placed his hand on mine giving it the warmth of his care and the bourbon was doing wonders. I felt good, better than what I was in the car way back home. But I needed to get the things out of my system, the things, the stories that made me weaker. I knew I would deal with it better if I talked openly about them but to whom was the question. Now I had Rohit, he would understand and accept I knew it, I trusted him that much for sure!

After a few moments of silence and him calming me down with his mere touch, I gulped down the remaining liquid from my glass and said while refilling it,
"I never deserved it."

He let go of my hand and looked at me suspiciously, "Advika you know you deserve everything you have got, you have earned it"

"No, I never deserved friendship Rohit, no one's, not even yours I guess", finally speaking out the things buried in my heart was difficult than I thought. I felt my heart sink in my chest at my own words. I took a sip of Bourbon, my taste buds making me feel a little good.

"You are talking rubbish Advika, you know this I not the truth and idk from where are these thoughts coming to you out of no where", Rohit said it lightly trying to make me feel better.

"Cause that's the truth Rohit, all this isn't out of no where, it was there in me always, even befote I met you", Rohit knew nothing about my life before him he only knew the things that happened when I was with him.
I didn't know when the tears pooled up in my eyes and started rolling down my cheeks. The tingling sension of the small drops rolling down brought me out of my zoned out state and I realised I have been staring too hard at the glass in my hands.

Rohit got up from his place and stood beside me and made me look him while he wiped the small beads from my cheeks with his fingers.
"Shh It's Okay! You don't have to push yourself, you can stop I you want to", he said looking directly into my eyes. My head felt lighter,  I let the tears forming in my eyes flow out and didn't say anything. The little alcohol in my system was making me feel more better.  It wasn't easy to open up about the worst of your memories so easily. Rohit pulled my into himself and for a few moments I sat there hugging his by his waist and letting my tears flow while he carenessed my hair.

I broke the hug and he brought his stool beside mine while we both sat at the table in the dimmed lights of my kitchen.

"You know since childhood I never had any real friends around me! All of them, literally everyone looked at me as my mom's or dad's daughter, no one ever saw me for myself. Just because both of my parents were known personalities, I never had a good childhood. Everyone wanted to be around me not for my friendship but because of my mom dad's fame.
I hated my parents professional more than anything. Mom used to work a lot during those days, she used to have shows even out of India, most of the time she used to be busy with her practices or shows. Dad on the other hand was busy stabalizing the travel business of ours! But in all this they never noticed the damage cause to me! I didn't know what the food cooked by my mom tasted like cause I rarely had the chance to taste it. Paying for all my hobbies, studies and comforts didn't mean they were good parents as the world thought. I grew up on my own with the maids around me. Everyone thought how perfect my life was, how I was treated like a princess, but they were wrong, people still are, I never had a great life not until I got into college!"

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