Only Yours in my Dreams // Alma Peregrine x Reader

Chapter Twenty Two- I can't

You and Miss Peregrine had had... Whatever was going on between the two of you going on for exactly twenty seven days, six hours, and fifteen seconds. Yes, Miss Peregrine had noted the very second she admitted her feelings for you. The two of you weren't official, but what was going on was pretty clear. Though none of the children were any the wiser, excluding the oldest three of course. In fact, they also had no clue how happy you were, as you only showed it anymore behind closed doors with Miss Peregrine.

In front of everyone else you had grown grim and stern. You weren't even the same person that you used to be, you had changed severely. The upbeat girl who cracked jokes every two seconds and was always down to go out and do something stupid was gone. They mourned the old you daily, though everyone tried to bring you back. They set up joke opportunities, references, they had even played raid the village- And you were pissed about it.

"It's not safe!" You growled at the group in front of you, standing around like a group of guilty puppies. "Normals can kill us. They don't like people like us."

"We just wanted to-" Millard started, but you shut him up with a look that held fire in your eyes.

"I don't care. I don't want excuses." You were practically seething. "Emma, Olive, I expect better from you. You're the oldest, you should know better. Don't you ever do it again."

"What's going on in here?" A familiar voice asked, followed by the appearance of your favorite person in the doorway. "Is everything alright?" She noticed your anger and the guilt of the children.

"They played that stupid 'game' again." You did quotation marks in the air. "Raid the Village. They could have gotten seriously hurt."

"Y/n, why is it suddenly such a big deal? You used to not care, you thought it was funny and harmless. You even used to come with us. Why now?" Hugh asked.

"Because this was done by a normal. It wasn't an accident, nor self inflicted. A normal fucking took my wings. And now I can't even walk anymore without this damn cane!" You fumed, motioning to your back and slamming your aforementioned cane into the floor with a menacing thud, causing the others to jump. Otherwise they were stunned into silence, as previously only your ymbryne knew what had happened to you. The others had been banned from asking you anything about it aside from how you were feeling.

You were rendered disabled now, unable to walk without a cane due to your balance being thrown off, the intense flashes of pain, and the altered construction of your back. Your spine was made differently, to accommodate your wings. Miss Peregrine had made you a cane to help, it was crafted of dark wood and had a bird's head carved into the handle. You still sometimes required more than just your cane, when your pain got exceptionally bad, and the dark haired woman provided it without a second thought.

You glared the children down, they looked thoroughly mortified. You raised an eyebrow, waiting for their reply to the bombshell you just dropped.

"We're sorry. We had no idea." Emma mumbled, stepping forward and hugging you loosely. You were met with other murmured apologies, yet you still stayed firm.

"Apologies do not make it better. You made a severe, stupid mistake, that is not to be taken lightly." You were about to continue when Emma stepped away, yet you felt a soft hand on your shoulder and paused, looking to see your headmistress standing beside you. She leaned in to your ear to whisper where the children couldn't hear.

"Calm down, darling. They didn't know. It's alright. We know the inhabitants of this loop, they're mostly nonviolent and you know it. Don't be so hard on them, love." You felt her warm breath on your ear, it was almost like her warmth melted you. You sighed and turned back to the kids.

"I'm sorry, guys. I was too harsh, and the way I just spoke to you was cruel and it's not my place." You winced at the end of your sentence and leaned more heavily on your cane, Miss Peregrine looped an arm around your waist and took some of your weight. She could tell you were in pain again, just by seeing the change in you.

"Go outside and play, children." She dismissed the group and looked at you. "I'm proud of you for apologizing, darling. Thank you for doing that." She paused and debated with herself internally for a moment. "They're just trying to get you back."

"Get me back? What's that supposed to mean? You already brought me back home."

"That's not what I mean. You're not the same person around them that you once were. With me, alone, you are you. But they don't get to see that side of you anymore. They miss the you that they got used to."

You stood there for a moment, wheels turning in your head. When you spoke again, utter defeat dripped from your voice. "That me is gone." You sighed and pulled away from Miss Peregrine, your sneakers thudding as you walked away, the loud click of your cane ringing through the now deadly silent house.

~~~

You were propped up in your bed reading a book you'd read a hundred times, when you heard a soft series of knocks on the door of your shared bedroom- Shared with Miss Peregrine, that is.

"Come in." You called. You knew who it was, you recognized the way your ymbryne always knocked.

"Good afternoon, dear. Enoch came to me today and informed me that he needs more hearts, and he claimed that I 'don't get the good ones like y/n does'. Of course, if you're not feeling up to it just yet, I'll do it in your stead as i have been." She explained, coming over and kneeling beside you so you didn't have to crane your head up to look at her.

"I can do it. I'm fine." You were truthfully a little nervous to fly again but you figured it'd be fine. You knew you were definitely healed enough that you could transform again, you just hadn't tried. So you swung your legs out of bed and kissed her on the cheek when she stood and handed you your cane. "I won't need that, love. If you could just open the window please."

She hurried to do as you asked, and while her back was turned you raised your arms and an excited grin took over your features as you focused all of your energy into shifting to an eagle.

And focused.

And focused.

And nothing happened.

Miss Peregrine turned back to you and gave you a quizzical look, before nodding at you to prompt you to go ahead and shift. You tried again frantically, the grin long wiped from your face. You brought your wide eyes up to meet hers and tears began spilling from them, you motioned for your cane and she quickly handed it to you. You stood there leaning on it, breathing hard as the ymbryne watched with concern. Your mind was racing a mile a minute as your heart pounded and pain shot through your back like a fiery bullet.

Tears of realization and pain fell slowly down your cheeks as you whispered two words.

"I can't."

A/n- no idea if this is how that would work but i've decided that it is so deal with it gays