Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

You're Not Alone -Cordelia Goode

TW: Anorexia, major food restriction, weight loss, body description.

Word count: 1453

Prompt: You have been living in the coven for 4 months now and have become extremely close with Cordelia. What she didn't know was you have been struggling with your eating disorder for a while and as she starts to catch on, you try protecting her from the burden you feel you will become but she sees you as anything but. She'll do whatever it takes to help you.

There you were another early morning in the coven. Madison throwing bitch fits every five minutes, Zoe trying to calm her down, Myrtle getting annoyed with just about everyone, Queenie just enjoying the show, etc, etc, etc. You hear Cordelia knocking on everyone's doors to get up for the day and get ready for breakfast as usual but just like the past week, you remained in bed. That was until after breakfast.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Cordelia's pov:

At 7:30 every morning, I wake the girls up to come and eat breakfast and start the school day. At 7:45, I knock again to make sure everyone is up and am usually replied to by the grumpy, tired voices of the girls. I arrive at Zoe and y/n's room, knocking three times to make sure they were awake.

"Zoe, y/n. Are you girls up?"

"Yes!" Zoe responds before whispering to y/n.

"y/n are you?" I ask since I had only heard Zoe. She responds with a groggy and tired sounding "yes".

I had noticed a few days ago that y/n has been skipping meals. Sleeping through breakfast and going to bed before dinner. I feel like such an idiot at the fact I had only recently noticed when I realized it's almost gone on since she got here and I'm just now deciding to actually draw my attention to it. I would normally ask her if she was alright and just concluded the fact she didn't have much of an appetite. That was until I really realized how little she was eating.

I went downstairs, helping Myrtle finish setting the table for all five girls, along with the two of us. I was placing the silverware a little harsher than necessary which didn't go unnoticed by Myrtle.

"What's the matter dear, you seem tense." She asked with concern.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just didn't get too much sleep last night." I responded with a slight smile. As Myrtle was about to respond, the girls came into the kitchen, eyes half-closed, steps slow with groans escaping their lips with each movement.

"Good morning girls," I started to say before I realized an absent familiar face. y/n. "Zoe?" I asked. She looked up at me with tired eyes as she sat down next to Madison.

"Hm?" She asked, before yawning.

"Where's y/n?"

"Oh she's still sleeping she said she's not hungry and she'll be down before class starts." She replied, lazily picking up a muffin and cutting it in two. I shook my head and huffed in disbelief since she didn't even eat dinner last night. Making my way out of the kitchen, upstairs, up to y/n's room, I knock on the door and speak with concern.

"y/n sweetheart, you don't want breakfast?" There was no answer. I knock again to still be met with silence. "y/n?" Silence. "y/n, I'm coming in."

I walk into her bedroom to see her bed made and the bathroom door creaked open.

"y/n?" I say quietly and knock on the bathroom door before opening it. I pause when I see y/n across the room, standing on a scale in her bra and underwear and biting her nail, looking down at the numbers. As the door creaks, her gaze immediately meets mine as she turns around. I was completely shocked to see her body.

It was like I was looking at a skeleton. Her ribs were so exposed, I could see just about every single one. Hip bones popping out, waist thinner than a piece of paper, and shoulder blades sharper than needles. My eyebrows sunk down and I didn't even realize my jaw had dropped a bit. Her face turned bright red with wide eyes.

"Cordelia! Get out!" She yelled with a shaking voice. I was too shocked to even speak. This wasn't the y/n I had met four months ago when she first arrived. This was a sick stranger. She always wore baggy clothes a while after arriving which is why I had never noticed this before. I gradually noticed her face changing but I thought she was just doing her makeup differently. God, I was so stupid. I now realize her face was literally collapsing. "I said get out!" She threw her hand out from across the room, using her powers to slam the door. I stepped back in shock, trying to hold back tears. I couldn't help but blame myself for this.

I sat down on the side of her bed, facing the door with my arms crossed, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. I hear her walking towards the door so I stand directly next to the bathroom door, where she won't see me once she opens it. She pokes her head out, looking both ways to make sure I was gone as she steps out of the bathroom. I transmutated in front of her with my arms still crossed and looked down into her fearful eyes. She was now wearing a huge grey and black buttoned up flannel and baggy jeans. She tries to move past me but I stopped her with my arm.

"Delia-" She started to say without looking at me.

"y/n look at me."

She hesitantly averted her gaze to meet mine. Eyes still filled with terror. I shook my head with my mouth agape, trying to find words.

"Cordelia you don't have to say anything. Nothing's wrong." I tilt my head forward and widen my eyes.

"Nothings wrong? y/n." My eyes started to fill with tears, still trying to force words out of my mouth. "I don't even know who I just saw in that bathroom." She takes my hands in hers, holding them in front of our chests.

"Cordelia its me. I've just lost a little weight that's all. Okay?"

y/n's pov:

Cordelia pulled her hands away and shook her head, looking down then back into my eyes, placing her hands on my cheeks.

"Baby. You're- you're like a ghost." She cries out quietly, still staring into my soul. "Y- you're face it's collapsed. Y-you're white and grey-"

"Cordelia please. Please don't be mad I'm so sorry."

"Mad? Sweetheart I'm not mad. I'm worried. I'm beyond worried you- you look like death." She cried more, taking me in her arms. "This is my fault. I should have realized-"

"No Cordelia." I said, pulling back. "This isn't your fault. It's not. It was all me. But I've got it under control. Okay?"

"y/n. I know it may feel that way but- but I don't think you do. You're going to come downstairs and eat something okay?"

I should have known she'd ruin everything. All my progress.

"No. No Cordelia I- I'm tired."

"y/n."

"I CAN'T." I shouted at her, with tears finally falling. There was silence between us for a second until I broke down. All the emotions I'd been bottling up for all these months, let out. I sank to my knees, letting it all stream out. I put my hands to my face, letting out sobs. Cordelia was quick to join me on the floor, stroking my back and holding me in her arms.

"Shhh. It's okay sweet girl. It's going to be okay."
She holds my face in her hands again as I tried holding back sobs. "y/n. Look at me. We're going to get through this together okay?"

"P-please don't tell anyone. Don't tell Myrtle or Zoe. P-please Cordelia."

"I won't. I won't." She replied, pulling me back into her warm embrace. "We're going to get through this. We will."

"I can't Cordelia. I've tried." I forced out.

"I know. But that was on your own. You're not alone anymore baby. You're not alone."

A/N: Hey everyone! I've been wanting to do sarah mh one shots for a while so here they are! Please please please leave absolutely any suggestions and I will write it. (No smut) I update super often so I will probably publish it soon after:) Make sure to drink water and eat some food today because you deserve it. Have an amazing night/day <33
-Del