Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

Clean Up- Diane Sherman

TW: self harm, depression, loss of appetite, mention of weight loss.

Word count: 1787

prompt: Diane is your girlfriend of one year and she's been noticing how different and distant you've been lately only to find out what you've wanted to keep a secret forever

Another beautiful morning, waking up next to your beautiful girlfriend, Diane.
You open your eyes and are already met with her piercing brown-eyed gaze. She moves a strand of hair from your face with a bright smile.

"Good morning my love." She whispers, resting a hand on your cheek and caressing it carefully.

"Morning." You hum back, still half asleep, turning over, away from her. She wraps her arm around your waist with a giggle.

"That tired hm?" She asked. You didn't respond. You were just too tired. As always. "Sweetheart I was just going to wait for you to wake up but it's already 11. Why don't we get up hm?"

You sighed and pushed the covers off of you, slowly getting up and helping Diane make the bed. She looks down to you on the other side of the bed, trying to catch your gaze but fails as you continue spreading the sheets with slow movements, looking down.

"Sweetheart are you alright?" She asks with a soft voice. You look up at her and nod with a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Oh nothing you just seem down lately that's all."

"I've just been a little tired and stressed lately that's all Diane. Don't worry about me."

"Oh, darling." Diane says, making her way over to you and wrapping her arms around your shoulders, touching foreheads "I love you so much, baby. You can always talk to me you know that." And with that, she placed a soft kiss on your forehead and smiled.

The truth was, you felt extremely guilty. Diane had wanted to have sex recently but you've been making up excuses lately not to. You had been going down a dark path recently. One you were a little too familiar with. You used to self harm quite a lot but that changed once you met Diane and she knew that. But for the past few weeks, you've been so stressed and sad that you couldn't hold it back anymore. You didn't want Diane to see your fresh cuts that traced your thighs and hips. You were scared she'd be angry or even worse. Leave you. She had helped you recover the first time. You didn't want her to have to go through that again.

Little did you know, she was already concerned with how much you've been sleeping and how little you've been eating.

"How about I make breakfast for us and we watch a movie hm? Just have a lazy Sunday." She suggested, pulling away but still looking at you deeply. You nodded with a smile and she wrapped an arm around your shoulder, leading you downstairs. She went to the kitchen, opening cabinets, looking for things she can use to make breakfast.

"What are you in the mood for baby?" She asked, looking at you sitting at the table, picking at your nails. You look back at her and shrug.

"I'm fine with whatever."

"How about eggs and pancakes?"

"Sounds great mommy." You responded with a smile. You just wanted to please her in other ways that weren't having sex which would lead to her finding out about your dumb mistake. She shot you a mischievous smirk as she started taking out the ingredients for breakfast. You sat at the table with your back turned to her but could still feel her occasionally looking at you. Within a few minutes, she came to the table with a plate of scrambled eggs and pancakes with syrup.