Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

Descensum -Cordelia Goode

TW: Abuse, hitting, kicking, punching, mention of suicide

request by alluringvanity

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"You're nothing you piece of shit. Next time you try and kill yourself, how about you do the world a favor and do it right," my mother scolded, hitting me, slapping me, and kicking me to her own demise.

I just cowered in the corner of my childhood home with my knees to my chest and tears streaming down my face.

"PLEASE! STOP!" I cried, looking up to see my mother coming at me with a vase in hand.

I shoot up from the position I was laying in as I fell asleep with a gasp. My chest rose up and down with heavy movements. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and run out of my bedroom.

I had arrived at Miss Robichaux's Academy for exceptional young ladies last month. The other day, I had gone against Miss Cordelia's wishes, performing and achieving Descensum. All it was, was me walking through my childhood home, having to look at objects that reminded me of my troubled past.

Once I successfully did it, I rushed to tell Miss Cordelia. Probably because I craved her attention and praise. It was always the little things like when she would brush her hand over my shoulder in class to show her affection for how I was doing it the many pet names she'd use. She was a little angry at first but she then was actually quite proud of me once she learned I wasn't harmed or anything. I was one of the younger witches at the academy and Cordelia always treated me like her own since the day I arrived.

But now, Every night for the past couple of days, the spell I had yearned to learn would replay through my head and I would somehow go into descensum and have the same recurring hell of my mother. Each night it got worse, first it just was when she showed up but then she started yelling at me and that yelling turned into hitting. I was now reliving scenes from my childhood and this was the worst of them.

I wipe another tear and knock on Cordelia's door. She opens it and looks confused.

"y/n hey sweetheart what's wrong?" she asks, kneeling in front of me and wiping a tear from my cheek.

"I- I slipped into Descensum again," I sobbed out as Cordelia holds my face and then my hands.

"Oh honey. It's okay what happened?"

"I- I fall asleep and I just keep having the same dream with my mom. She just kept hitting me over and over and ...over and over," I choked out and Cordelia took me into her arms.

I practically clawed onto the woman's nightdress, searching for a sense of security and comfort from her.

"I'm so sorry honey. You're okay. It's okay," she whispered, leaning her head on mine and tears streamed down my face.

"I can't go back to sleep Miss Cordelia. What if I go back a-and I can't get out?"

"No honey it's alright. Just come in," she sighs apologetically, opening her door, welcoming me inside. "Sit down sweetheart you're shaking."

I hesitantly sit on the side of her bed, trying to calm my heavy breathing as Cordelia sits down next to me, stroking my hair and back. I involuntarily leaned into her as she moves my hair behind my ear.

"Shhh you're okay baby it's okay. ...Maybe if I try to stay with you while you sleep...?"

"I don't want to go back Miss Cordelia. What if it gets worse and she hurts me more? The spell just intrusively plays through my head. I- I'm scared."