Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

Perfect -Cordelia Goode

a/n: short one but I think it's cute

cw: ADHD, meds,

"Rise and shine girls! Time for breakfast let's go!" my mother Cordelia shouted with her early bird voice, knocking on our doors. I put my pillow over my head and groan. She opens my door and sighs with a smile. "Come on love bug, let's go," she giggled, pulling the pillow off my head. I keep my eyes closed, pulling my other pillow onto my face. She just scoffed and pulled that one away as well.

"Now you've got no more pillows. Come on honey," she laughs. I slowly take the covers in my hand and she raises an eyebrow. "y/n, don't you dare." I quickly pull the covers over my head, making her once again scoff and pull them down.

"Nooo," I groaned, now just covering my face with my hands.

"No, no whining come on sweetheart we're gonna get up, eat breakfast, take our meds it's gonna be a great day," she said, opening my curtains, letting the sun shine through the white room. I sigh and sit up, rubbing my eyes. Cordelia sauntered over with a smile and kisses my head, twisting one of my braids between her fingers. "Breakfast will be ready in ten."

Cordelia left and closed the door. I sighed and got up, going to my closet and putting on a pair of loose jean shorts and a thick tank top with jewelry. I head downstairs as everyone was setting the table in quick conversation. Cordelia looks to Madison as she places down two plates.

"Madison, did you park your car on the side of the house instead of in the middle of the driveway last night?"

"Yes Cordie Jesus," she scoffed.

"Yeah Cordie," I joked. She then looks at me sternly. She suddenly looks down, noticing my bouncing leg and tapping fingers.

"Hey. Did you take your meds?"

"Yes!"

"No.."

"No!" I shouted back, making the girls laugh. I stand up and go to the window sill above the sink. I opened the bottle, but as I look at the few that had fallen into my hand, I put them back, pretending to throw it into my mouth and take a sip of water, knowing my mom was watching behind my back. I placed the bottle back and she smiles at me coming back to the table, her hand resting on the seat beside her, saving it for me. She kissed my head and roughed up my hair, handing me a plate of waffles.

I didn't feel like eating this morning. My Adderall always suppressed my hunger and made me constantly loose weight. I wanted to be at a normal weight again and not feel so numb. I want to joke around and space out into my own little world. Personally, I think i'm hilarious without them.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled, pushing away the plate. I couldn't eat just yet. I've had Adderall in my system too long and I'd have to wait a bit to feel normal again.

"Sweetheart come on you need to eat. You're wasting away y/n," she whispered, pushing your plate closer to you.

"No. I can't. And that's not my fault. ...It's my meds," I replied, shying my face away, shaking my head.

"y/n. You can. You need to. Please?"

I just shook my head with embarrassment and ran out of the kitchen, heading back to my room. All the girls look to Cordelia just before she went after me. She opened my door, seeing the tears in my eyes as I nervously sat on my bed, biting my nails.

"I'm sorry mom," I said, holding my knees to my chest and looking down. She wastes no time in sitting beside me on the bed, wrapping her arms around me.

"It's okay baby. Don't be sorry," she whispered, kissing my head.

"I just- I'm so sick of my pills mom. You're right. I've lost too much weight I look like a freak."

"No you don't baby. I didn't mean it like that. Yes you are skinny y/n, but sweetheart you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world. I know how your meds have been making you feel lately so I can set up an appointment for maybe a different dosage?"

"They're all the same mom," I sobbed into her shoulder.

"No baby it'll be okay. We'll figure it out. We always do."

***
Later in the day, I was looking out the window during class. I was looking at the hanging bird feeder that swung just above the window pane as I listened to music in my earbuds.

"y/n!" My mother's gentle yet mocking voice taunted at me in my current dream world. I look back to her at her desk with wide eyes for a second and get back to my paper. She shakes her head with a defeated expression.

I continued on the numerous doodles that patterned the white page. My mom usually includes pictures/ visuals for me in my school work which I really appreciate. There's only four other girls here at the academy and they don't take their work very seriously so my mom always makes sure to teach me just about everything she knows. And what she cares about, I care about.

I find a lot of my school work really interesting! That's why I'm so lucky to have my mom homeschool me. But today, I couldn't really focus on anything.

As I'm continuing to doodle, I don't realize it but I was humming to my music and a shadow casted over me. I slowly look up to see my mom with her arms crossed and and eyebrow raised. She looks down at my paper, seeing I had no work done.

"y/n?"

"Yes mom?"

"Did you take your meds today?" she asks quietly.

I look down and took a nervous breath before shaking my head no.

"I-I'm sorry. I just- I want to feel normal again," I said as my face got hot and tears brimmed my eyes. I kept my head down as Cordelia kneeled beside me, placing a hand on my cheek.

"Sweetheart you are normal."

"I don't feel that way."

"You know what... you aren't normal," she says, looking to the side. I part my hand from my face and look to her with confusion. "You want to know why? ...Because you are unique. And you are the most special, beautiful, outgoing girl in the whole world. Normal is boring baby. You are perfect how you are. Medication doesn't change that."

She said all those words with such care and I knew she meant all of it. She smiled softly and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I leaped into her arms and squeezed my eyes shut as tears fell.

"Thank you mom."

"I meant every word honey. I love you so much."

"I love you too."