Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

Let Me Hold You -Cordelia Goode

TW: Eating disorder, food description, purging, self harm, mention of suicide and death, panic attack, body description.

requested by gabbyshott

prompt: Cordelia who is a mother figure to you, tries to get you to eat something after seeing how much your body has changed and sees all the signs of disordered eating. She also sees the scars on your wrists and tries her best to help through all of it but at this point you felt helpless. All hope was lost for you.

///

You're sitting on your bed, listening to music and finishing up your homework. It was around 5:30 but you hadn't even looked at the time in a while. You tried using music to distract yourself from the hunger eating at you. You're startled by a knock at the door.

Shit was it already dinner? You thought to yourself. Before you could do your normal routine of pretending to be asleep so Cordelia wouldn't make you come down to eat, she wiggled the handle of your locked door.

"y/n sweetheart are you up?"

She wiggles it again as you turn off your lamp and you crawl under the covers.

Cordelia looks down and sees the light that was coming from the crack of your door disappear and hears your bed creak as you situate yourself under the duvet. Cordelia sighs as she uses her powers to unlock the door. She slowly approaches your bed with a soft voice.

"y/n?" She lightly shakes your shoulder. "y/n, I know you're up. I saw you turn off your lamp."

You sigh and turn to face her.

"What Cordelia?" You ask, accidentally sounding annoyed. You used to always be so happy whenever you talked to Cordelia. She always loved you like a daughter and you used to tell her everything. It broke her heart to hear you so pissed at her for no reason.

"Hey. It's time for dinner and I'd like you to come downstairs and eat please."

"No thanks. I'm tired and I'm not that hungry."

"y/n, as far as I'm aware, you haven't eaten anything since last night at dinner. And all you ate was vegetables. Sweetheart I'm really worried."

You put on your normal façade of pretending you have no idea what she's talking about.

"Cordelia I don't know what you mean. I'm fine."

"y/n, you're pale, your lips are always chapped, and... y/n you're getting really small. Smaller than normal every day. There's nothing left of you."

"Cordelia-"

"You can deny it all you want but sweetheart." Cordelia kneels down in front of you and places a hand on your cheek. "Sweetheart, you're dying."

You push her hand away from your face as tears threaten to escape your eyes.

"I said I was fine Cordelia! What is wrong with you?!"

"If you're fine, then you'll come downstairs and eat dinner."

I've gone all day today. I only feel accomplished if I go all day without eating. Maybe if I just ate a tiny bit, it would satisfy Cordelia and show her I'm okay.

"Fine."

"Okay then. Let's go."

You suddenly remembered you were wearing a tank top and sweatpants. She was going to see how skinny you were if she moved the blanket. The coven was a little cold this time of year but you were always cold. You didn't wear a lot of clothes to bed though because you read that your body burns calories trying to keep you warm.