Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

Opening Up -Cordelia Goode

TW: Self harm, blood, minor panic attack, mention of food, minor talk of eating disorder

requested by supremesarahpauls0n & paulsoncov3n

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Howling at the Moon by Darshana Suresh was one of your favorite poetry books. It made you feel less alone in situations you've been through years ago. But that didn't change it from being untreated trauma. An idiot would know that poetry wouldn't help problems like yours. Poetry doesn't prevent you from constantly self harming, not eating, or wanting to stay in your room all day.

It just offers a more peaceful state of mind.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in." Cordelia peeks her head in and looks over to make sure no one was in the room. "Don't worry it's only me." You say quietly with a little smile.

"Hey. Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" She asks nervously.

"Yeah. Yes of course." You whispered, putting your book down and getting up. Cordelia takes your hand and you look at each other as you walk down the hallway in secrecy.

You and Cordelia had been secretly dating for the past month. It all started when she kissed you in the greenhouse after about a week of you being at the academy. It's been amazing. Cordelia is the most caring, beautiful person you had ever met.

That was the problem though. She cared so much and the last thing you wanted to do was burden her with all your problems. You've been trying to avoid her but it's pretty hard to push away the supreme. You would sneak into her bedroom once everyone was asleep and would cuddle and kiss all night.

You walk into her room and she goes to the bed, moving the duvet for you to get under. She tries to get you to look at her but you avoided any eye contact. She was so powerful, you feared getting too close to her would become a mistake and the truth would soon find its self revealed. You lay down beside the supreme and she lightly tugs at your dark green crewneck.

"Baby why don't you take this off. It's pretty warm in here." She whispers with a smirk.

"I- I'm cold." You lie, fearing what would happen if she discovered the cuts that covered your arms.

"I can help with that." She says sweetly, taking you in her arms and holding you close. She caresses your hair, shoulders and back and stares you in the eyes for a moment. Her gaze shoots down to your lips as did yours. She leans in and places a soft yet passionate, long kiss on them. She tangles her hands in your hair and you let out a soft sigh as she deepened the connection between your lips.

She tugs at the neckline of your shirt once again and moans against you as she slides her hand under your grey sweat shorts, rubbing your ass.

"Take this off baby." She whispers, looking down at your shirt.

You pull away from the kiss for a moment and just look at her, trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry Delia. I'm tired. I just want to sleep."

"Oh. Okay. That's fine, my love." She says sweetly. She gives you another peck on the lips and holds you close once more. "Goodnight honey."

"Goodnight Delia."

She holds you tightly and you close your eyes with a soft sigh. You wanted to do something special with Delia but that would only result in her finding out about your stupid mistake. It didn't even feel like a mistake anymore. It was more like a natural thing now. Wake up, go to class, do homework, shower, cut yourself. It was an endless cycle that never stopped and you were afraid it never would.