Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

Panic Attack -Cordelia Goode

Title speaks for itself 💀 real creative!

TW: Panic attack, mention of abandonment

requested by alluringvanity

word count: 1173

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Going to sleep with a racing mind was a bad idea.
You've had panic attacks before but never in your sleep.

You jolted up from your bed, sweating, shaking and crying. That's when you realize you couldn't breathe. They were shallow, heavy breaths. You couldn't feel your hands or feet and the sudden darkness of your bedroom at Miss Robichaux's scared you more. You felt alone and vulnerable, like anything would creep out from the dark right now and eat you alive, like a living nightmare.

You knew that wasn't true but everything started making less sense as your breathing just got faster and faster. Your roommates, Mallory and Zoe were fast asleep and they really wouldn't do anything to help you. You let out a sob as you carefully got out of bed and shakily walked- no ran to the supreme's bedroom. You had arrived at the academy not too long ago and you weren't as close with Cordelia but then again the only girls she was really close to here were Zoe and Queenie, her old students.

Cordelia always tried talking to you, get to know you more and even spend time with you but you weren't one to get close to people, scared of rejection or abandonment. Especially from a wonderful woman like her.

But right now, you needed help.

You finally arrived at her door and knocked on it with your whole body just shaking violently. At first, she didn't answer so you knocked louder with fear that she would be mad. More the reason for you to panic. Your breathing was getting so heavy as you looked down at the floor, that you didn't realize there were footsteps approaching the door.

"y/n?" Cordelia asks with a worried voice, making you look back up, meeting her honey brown eyes that looked black in the darkness engulfed around the two of you.

"H-help." You manage to whisper through tears. She quickly pulled you into her room by your shoulder and closed the door. She kneels down and holds your cheeks, just piercing your eyes with her dark brown orbs.

" What is it sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I-I d-don't kn-now."

You couldn't make out any words from shaking so badly. Cordelia stands up and you instinctively just back up and slide down against the wall. You put your hands in your face as your breathing just gets heavier.

"y/n?" Cordelia was quick to join you on the floor and places a hand on your shoulder. "y/n is it okay if I touch you sweetheart?"

You just keep shaking and can't manage to push any words past your lips. Cordelia pulled you into a hug anyways and it was the nicest feeling ever. You were just shaking so badly that you couldn't feel it.

"Shhh baby it's okay. It's okay just breath baby I know. It's alright," she whispered, gently rocking you and holding your hand. You gripped onto her fingers tightly to let her know you were acknowledging her and that it was helping.

"There you go. Just squeeze my hand baby. Squeeze it as tight as you can. I'm right here I'm not leaving."

Cordelia:

I've only known y/n for two months and she was one of the quietest girls I have ever met. But from what I could see, she was so gentle and kind. I've heard her share a few laughs with Mallory and Zoe in their room now and then but other than that, she was quite a reserved girl. I loved being able to hear her cheery little laugh every time I passed her room. I wish I could make her laugh like that but she doesn't really talk to me.

I often try doing everything in my power for her to talk to me and get to know her but I think she still needs more adjustment. I've always thought she seemed anxious at times. The poor girl kind of had a traumatic departure from her family and I just wanted to comfort her.

She kept shaking in my arms and finally rested her head on my shoulder, sniffling. Her shaking hand soon finds itself on my shoulder, slowly trying to kind of hold me back. I think she just needed some human touch right now. I pulled her into me all the way, stroking her back and hair, taking in this girl as much as I could.

"You're alright sweetheart. You're safe."

"I'm sorry," I hear her mumble behind me, through tears. I furrowed my eyebrows and pulled back, holding her cheeks, causing her to gently hold my arms.

"Sorry for what sweetheart?"

"I-it's uhm it's late and nothings really...wrong I just-"

I cut her off as she wiped a tear, placing a finger on her lips. It was almost unintentional but I wanted to just feel her.

"Sweetheart, if something is bothering you, something is wrong. I don't care how late it is, I just want to make sure you're alright."

"I don't know what's wrong. I just woke up and I- I couldn't b-breathe and I couldn't feel anything s-so I just came t-to you."

"You did the right thing. Never be afraid to get help especially from me baby," I continued stroking her face and she gave a small, saddened smile.

"T-thank you Cordelia. I just feel bad. I-I barely know you even though I've been here a while."

"That's okay honey. ...I'd really love to change that you know. You seem like a wonderful girl."

She then just pulled me into another hug, still a sniffling mess.

"Thank you," she breathed out.

"Of course sweetheart. ...Do you want to stay in here tonight?"

She just pulls back and nods, wiping her nose softly with her knuckle. I wiped a remaining tear from her cheekbone, making us both smile. I stood up and helped her to her feet. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and brought her to my bed, moving the covers for her to lay down.

She gets under them and we face each other, just looking at one another with sweet eyes.

"Thanks again Cordelia."

"Of course my love. Do you... want to cuddle?" I asked nervously, seeing she was still a bit nervous and shaken.

"Uhm... okay," she whispered with a genuine smile. Her cheeks flushed a light red color, causing a smile to tug at my own lips. I reached over and switched off my lamp, turning back to her and pulling the covers over both of us.

"Come here sweetheart," I whispered. She shifted closer to me and I wrap my arms around the little girl's warm body, her head against my chest, my cheek against her head and my arms tightly situated around her as if she would slip right through them if I let go.

"Goodnight sweet girl."

"Goodnight Cordelia."