Sarah Paulson Mental Health One-Shots

Why Me -Billie x Ally x Reader

TW: Eating Disorder, panic attack

word count: 820

Staring at the ceiling. How long had it been? A few minutes. Maybe hours. That was until you hear the front door open with your two favorite women in the whole world, taking off their shoes.

That's when you realized you hadn't checked your phone all day. They were both at work and always text you and call you to make sure you ate. You eat lunch with them on face time when they were at work while you were home. They had weekends off like you did from school so they were usually home when you were but it was a monday and you had the day off.

"y/n?" Billie called with Ally trailing closely behind. They open the door just to see you laying on the bed. God they looked so worried.

"y/n you didn't answer our calls or texts you scared the shut out of us!" Ally said.

You look at the alarm clock beside you and realized it was only 3 pm and they usually came home at 5. You shot up, sitting up from the bed and looked at them.

"So you left work?!" You asked fearfully. Ally was so busy with her campaign and Billie was shooting her new season of her show not too far from the house.

"Yes y/n we left work! You were supposed to eat lunch with us on the phone y/n you know that." Billie said sadly. You put your hands over your face, feeling nothing but guilt.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry."

"Did you even eat?! You promised you'd have a bigger lunch than usual because you skipped breakfast but now you didn't because you didn't call us did you?!" Ally yelled as she crossed her arms. You could tell how nervous she was but you were just seeing it as anger.

"Y-yeah I had s-some cereal..." You said in a panic. It was the first food that came to mind and was a really really stupid answer.

"y/n. You don't like cereal. Do we even have any fucking cereal?" Ally yells as she looks at Billie who shakes her head.

"No. No we don't have any cereal." Billie said nervously.

"See?" Ally said sternly as she raises her eyebrows at you.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I-I didn't eat cereal." You replied, hugging your knees tighter and tighter, looking down, away from the two women.

"We know, y/n. Come on. We're going downstairs to eat right now." Ally said as she goes to grasp your hand.

You don't know what came over you. You loved when your girlfriends would show their touchy love language to you. But now was different.

"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME. DO NOT TOUCH ME PLEASE." You screamed, putting your face into your knees as tears came flooding out. Billie and Ally both kind of jumped at your reaction and look at each other with fear as you keep mumbling to yourself over and over.

"please don't touch me. don't touch me. don't touch me. don't touch me. don't touch me. don't touch me."

Billie kneels beside the bed and tries to look into your eyes but your face was pressed into your knees.

"Sweetheart. We're not going to touch you it's okay. Can you look at me? Please." Billie said softly with tear filled eyes.

"Okay. Okay I- I can't eat today. I'll do it tomorrow Billie. It's not my- I'm not hurting I just can't do it I can't. Billie. Billie please." You sobbed out.

"Please what sweetheart?" Ally says, kneeling beside Billie.

"Please just hold me. I'm okay. I'm okay. I just want you to hold me."

"Okay sweet girl." Ally cooed. She nods to Billie and they sat on either side of you.

"Is it okay if we hold you baby? You're sure?" Billie asked. You just frantically nodded and sobbed out a "Yes please."

"Okay little one we're right here. It's alright." Ally whispered. They both held you tightly and stroked your hair and your back. You finally put your knees down, cuddled into Billie's chest and put your legs over Ally's lap, sobbing into Billie. They both look over at each other with concern in their faces. You clutch onto Billie's shoulder and continue to just lay there. Limp and Vulnerable. You wanted to just run away. Your mind was racing. The pressure school was putting on you was too much.

Everything was going so fast. Your mind, your thoughts, your breathing.

That was until you blacked out. In your girlfriend's arms. You were exhausted. Exhausted of everything.

Absolutely everything.

a/n: This is kind of a vent chapter. My anxiety is so bad lately I feel like I'm going crazy. Hope you're all doing well thank you for the love you've given this story <3