F.A.M.E (book 1 & 2)

39

4 months later - November

ADONIS

Ever since I changed my number months ago I hadn't been bothered by Jade T. I did it about two days before the BRITS because she literally wouldn't leave me alone. The only other method she could've used to contact me was socials, but she was blocked on every possible platform, so I was in a good place when it came to dealing with her. Unless she bumped into me on the road, we had absolutely no business speaking and that was the way I liked it.

The last four months had been such a blur. It felt like I had just been floating - existing but not necessarily living. After E's one year anniversary and the drop of the album, I found myself in a weird space. I was dispirited for the whole week leading up to the anniversary; I expected that I would start to feel normal soon after, however the solemn feeling never really left. On a daily basis I just felt a deep sadness in the pits of my stomach. How had the year gone so quickly? How had the world moved on from the most painful thing that had ever happened to me?

One of the hardest parts for me was Hazel's absence during that period. I was not her problem anymore, I completely understood that. However, she found it in her heart to message my mum and comfort her during that time, so why couldn't she just reach out to me? She went over and gave her some flowers and a card. How are you gonna be cool with my mum and choose to disregard me at the same time? Where do they do that at? My thing was, if she wanted to be done with me completely without the possibility of a friendship, then she shouldn't have even been around my mum.

It just felt like she overlooked me just so it would sting me and that was something that I couldn't get over, no matter what had transpired between us in the past. The difference between me and her was that I had never tried to hurt her on purpose, but she acted out of spite. Shit felt ten times worse because I knew she knew that I would never do her like that if the roles were reversed. I couldn't even get a 'happy birthday' text on my birthday and it was a painful reminder of how quickly things had gone wrong between us.

I loved her. I was still in love with her; so when she acted out of spite, it bruised me deeply. My ego was hurt, my feelings were hurt... and my heart was hurt. She locked me out of her life, cut off all contact with me, but stayed in contact with people who would definitely tell me about her. She made it so that I couldn't escape her, and that to me, was the worst thing she could've possibly done.

When I dropped the album in summer the fans went crazy. I knew it would do some numbers, but I honestly wasn't sure just how high those numbers would be, especially because the album exposed such a vulnerable side to me. There was music about Eros, there was music about my breakup, there was even music about my mental health. I touched on every aspect of my life I had struggled with in the last year, and I was just so glad to see people appreciate my pain in the form of the art I had produced. Dropping that album did something amazing to my soul, and I was happy that it was out there for anyone who might need it.

The doorbell snapped me out of my day-dreaming so I stood from my seat in the studio. Having a home studio was the best investment I ever made because I could literally pop in here whenever I was feeling inspired. As always, the lights were dimmed to a blue shade, so naturally when I stepped outside the studio, my eyes took a moment to adjust.

I strolled to the door with a lazy smile already plastered across my lips. When I opened the door and came face to face with Neema, my smile grew even bigger. She was holding a couple of bags from the Chinese shop as she held her phone in the other hand. To combat the chilly weather, she was rocking the black Canada Goose that she stole from my house the last time she was over, and black UGGs on her feet.