F.A.M.E (book 1 & 2)

2:17

The quietness of my hotel room had me bored, staring blankly at the ceiling. Hands flat against the mattress with phone beside my head, I felt a deep sense of loneliness consume me.

The last week and a half with the brands I had been working with, had been a blast. There were influencers I had never met, so it was nice to work with them on the different shoots. I had spent a lot of time just talking and getting to know people between shoots - because I knew most opportunities came from networking. A lot of the time to get in certain rooms or speak to certain people, you had to know people who could present opportunities to you.

All in all, the networking had been going well, however, in the moments where I would be left in my own thoughts, one thing was bugging me. Don was not picking up the phone. His message replies were slow, and his communication had been bad overall. This had been the case for the whole time I had been away.

I was plagued by the thoughts of what happened last time I went on a trip and left Don behind.

I trusted him.

I did.

But honestly I think I was suffering from PTSD. I was so anxious that something would happen that would cause me to feel the same level of pain I felt on that treacherous day. I wouldn't survive it if it happened again. This was something I knew. And to make matters worse, he had an emergency in a different city when I got back to England to switch out my bags; so I wasn't able to see him before flying out again (like we planned) because he wasn't in London.

As if that wasn't enough, I had convinced myself that I was dealing with an early miscarriage. My period took way longer to come than usual, and I had never experienced cramps or a flow this heavy before. But the fear of knowing the truth stopped me from seeing a doctor or using a pregnancy test to check what was going on with my body. My thought process was this - it made no difference whether I found out or not, because there was no longer any baby growing in me. And it was bad timing anyway. With everything that had been going on lately, it was best to just turn a blind eye.

When I was lucky and we spoke at night, the conversations were short, and I barely had the chance to really catch up with him. He would either fall asleep, or have to go do something. Our most successful means of communication had been texting, and even then it wasn't enough for me. I was itching to go back at this point.

Tonight I had called three times. And all three of those calls went straight to voicemail. At this point I had given up. I was flying back home tomorrow morning, and the unease and anger I was dealing with was beyond me.

Releasing a deep sigh, I snatched my phone from beside my head and went into my contact list. I tapped on Charlotte's number. Within seconds she was on the phone.

"Hey girl." She spoke into the phone. It sounded like she was stuffing her mouth with something; knowing her, it was something that was probably way too sweet to be having at this time of the night. Her sweet tooth was unmatched in comparison to all my friends. "How's it going? are you packing?"

"Not yet." I huffed into the phone. "I'm just not really in the mood for anything." I admitted. At this rate, if I didn't start packing soon, I would end up having to wake up extra early to pack everything up. My clothes were currently spread across the hotel room quite haphazardly, it looked chaotic to say the least. It was literally a visual representation of how I was feeling tonight.

"You still haven't spoken to him?" Charlotte's voice softened as she asked the question. She knew that this was a sensitive topic for me, and I appreciated how she always took her time when she noticed things were not alright.

"Why doesn't he care?" I questioned. I was just really confused because before I left things were great. So great that we were even talking about marriage and our lives together. I knew he would be busy but... I don't know. I just didn't think it would make me feel like this.

"Stop it!" Charlotte snapped. "You know he does. Don't think like that." She told me. The passion in her voice could not be missed. Nobody had worked harder than Charlotte to get us back together, so I could appreciate why she cared so much.

Just as I was about to respond, I received an incoming call which caused me to pull the phone from my ear and check who it was. A surge of anger and relief ran through me when I saw Don's name on my screen. "Let me call you back, sis." I didn't wait for a response before ending the call and picking his in the process.

"Babe. You okay? Just seen your calls." Don's calm voice came through the phone. It was the one voice I had been aching to hear the whole day. Butterflies danced in my stomach at the sound of his voice. But as relieved as I was to hear it, I was also just... angry and upset with him.

"I'm fine." I responded.

I guess he noticed my tone, because he released a sigh before he turned the call into a FaceTime. I reluctantly answered the call. Once my eyes fell on his beautiful features I instantly became irritated. "You mad at me?" he asked softly.

"Yes. I am actually." I admitted. "I just don't get why you haven't been communicating well. I've barely spoken to you properly since I've been away. I called you three times today. What were you doing that caused you to miss all of them? Who were you with?" My voice had gradually risen as I fired these questions at him. It wasn't on purpose, but I guess I just exploded.

Honestly, I was scared of being walked all over, scared of being humiliated and scared of being hurt again. What if I had just handed Don my heart just to get mistreated all over again? What if the events of last time were unfolding all over again? I just would not be able to deal with it this time.

Don's face twisted in what looked like confusion. "I wasn't with anyone." He responded as he sat up to give this conversation his full attention. "What the hell, Hazel. Why would you even suggest that?"

"Well, it's happened before!" I snapped. "What am supposed to think when you barely pick my calls and take forever to respond to my messages? I can't deal with this!" I stressed as I dropped my phone and buried my face in my hands.

"Hazel, I wasn't with anyone." He repeated through the phone. I almost sensed hurt in his tone at the accusation I was making. "I've been living in the studio. You know this." He tried to reason.

"I don't know anything." I responded. It was harsh, but I didn't care. "I just cannot have this conversation right now." Immediately the water works started. I could not control them and I found myself angrily swiping them away with my hands. " I don't wanna see you ever again. I need you to drop my spare key through my letter box before I touch London." If he thought he was gonna play me whilst I was out here miscarrying his baby, then he had another thing coming.

Adonis was silent as I broke down on FaceTime. His head was bent down as he massaged his temples in what looked like frustration. "You need to calm down." He finally spoke. "Stop talking crazy. We can talk about this when I see you tomorrow."

"Are you serious right now?" I asked in shock. Was he seriously telling me to calm down when he was in the wrong? And did he not hear me when I told him I don't want to see him again? "Bye." I ended the call before I could have the chance to say something I'd regret.

Men.

No way was he telling me to calm down when I was the one literally having a melt down. Why could he not see that I was the victim here? If his response to my problem was for me to calm down, this was over. I was done with him.

Within the next two minutes he called me again, but in my angry state I chose not to pick it up. I was just sick of not being valued or prioritised. After everything I'd been through, I promised myself that I wouldn't be this girl ever again. I didn't wanna be the crazy, insecure girlfriend.

My phone notification went off, telling me I had a message. Looking down, I rolled my eyes once I saw Don's name:

I'm not doing this with you when you're in a whole other country. Rest well. We'll talk when you're back.

I didn't bother responding.

Short one I know, but next chapter coming soon.