F.A.M.E (book 1 & 2)

18

Hazel

I had been in zoom meetings all day with a banging headache. I hadn't eaten much but I had been snacking on some Pringles and quenching my thirst with bottles of water whilst getting told off by my manager for cancelling nearly everything I'd been scheduled to do. Honestly I was over it and I didn't really care. It had been so long since I took a break anyway, and I felt like this was the perfect opportunity for me to take one and take care of myself. I was super proud of myself for my success and breaking generational curses, but in doing so I needed to put myself first sometimes. And this was the time for that.

I also had a long conversation with my mum, and she was so disturbed by the passing of Eros, that she sent flowers to Ms. Joyce's house and offered to help her with the cooking for his wake. "He shouldn't have died so young." She had told me in a sad voice.

I had also been checking on Adonis every chance I got. I just had a bad feeling so deep in my guts and it was eating me up. Something about the way he had been responding to my messages was so off. Even when I FaceTimed him to make sure he was okay his energy was off, which would've been understandable due to everything happening in his life, but he could barely give me eye contact. That was so unlike him.

I sent his mum some positive affirmations in the morning to keep her going throughout the day. Lord knows she needed them to prevent her tears turning into an ocean.

After taking a long, well needed shower I came back to the living room to see how last nights YouTube video was doing. I wasn't the biggest fan of making videos for YouTube simply because I felt like it gave people this idea that they knew more about my life than they really did. Every time I posted it was like giving people an even bigger opportunity to judge me for things they knew nothing about.

I looked at the 'like' to 'view' ratio on my video and was pleasantly surprised by the numbers it was doing. I was most definitely going to be making a hefty cheque from YouTube this month. I then decided to go through the comment section, and that's where my mood dropped a little. Being that influencer who turned off their comments had never been my cup of tea, but people were so negative and unnecessarily mean on the internet. Like, what was the need?

Cynthia Adeyemi: girls will do anything for attention these days. Girls, respect yourself enough not to be practically naked for the world to see.

Gobble wobble23: sis better finesse those Birkins out of him fr

Sarah Mustapha: Lool. He's about to boost her career big time. Smartest thing she's done is becoming his girlfriend.

The worst thing about some of the messages I was reading was that they didn't have the facts right. Not in the slightest! I had never come on socials and claimed to be anyone's significant other, and neither had Adonis, so I wasn't understanding how people could make their assumptions about my life the basis on which they judge me.

There were some sweet comments too of people sending Adonis their condolences after hearing what had happened to his brother. Then there were comments gushing about how cute we looked together and how it was 'painfully obvious' that Adonis was fond of me, but the positive ones were not enough to make me forget about the negative ones. People were out here really thinking I had an agenda to push my career through Adonis by using him, and I couldn't lie and say it didn't hurt my feelings.

Technically I didn't need Adonis for anything. I paid my bills every month without batting an eyelash, I had my own money and had my own house. I was more than financially stable enough to stop putting out content and still be good. If only people understood how much I adored him, then maybe they'd cut me some slack. How comes it's always the female who gets bashed whenever there's dating rumours?