F.A.M.E (book 1 & 2)

35

HAZEL

Today was Christmas Eve and I had been out shopping the whole day so I could wrap up presents for my friends and family that I'd be seeing over the next week. Christmas was definitely my favourite holiday, but it was a lot of work and a lot of money. By the end of the holiday season you were always left worn out from all the running around, and a few pounds heavier from all the good food.

This was my mum's last week before moving to Ghana, because for some odd reason she decided it was a good idea for her to leave four days into the new year; so I was spending the whole period with her at her house. I seemed to be behind on everything that needed to be done though, because I had barely packed my suitcase and there was so much work that I hadn't caught up with. Management was breathing down my neck, because I hadn't been on socials for just over a month, and that was where I did all my brand deals. But honestly, since everything happened with Adonis and socials went crazy, I just didn't have the mental capacity to deal with everything.

I think what hurt me the most was that he never even addressed the situation. He released a music video the following week, and never breathed a word about the incident.

The thing was though, I couldn't even lie and say he hadn't been trying to reach out since everything happened. Every other day flowers would get delivered to my front door, with apologetic notes. However, he never got anyone to bring my stuff over like I asked him to, which was annoying. All my stuff were just chilling in his house as if that's where they belonged, and it was low-key annoying because I had some expensive stuff in his wardrobe. I wasn't willing to break the bank for duplicates of the same luxury bags that I already owned. He had definitely been trying to get me to come over for my stuff so that he could trap me into a conversation, and it wasn't something I had been interested in. However, tonight, after harassing me constantly through messages and calls, I'd agreed to let him come over to get his stuff.

He'd been doing a lot; sending me flowers every week, trying to force conversations through text and apologising, calling randomly to ask about my well-being... for the first two weeks I ignored the living daylight out of him. But when he didn't stop and he stayed consistent, I let up a little and started giving blunt responses to his messages.

I still didn't know the full details of everything that happened, and even though I knew I needed that closure and clarity, I was scared that if he told me everything in detail, I'd hate his guts forever.

One thing I couldn't deny though, was that it was very hard for me to let everything go. I had walked away from him physically, but emotionally, things were very different. I was very much that girl who had to give myself a pep talk every time I stared at the empty spot in my bed. I still thought about him every second of the day. I still got mad at how dirty he had done me. I would be a liar if I said I was doing well emotionally. I just hoped that when he eventually came over later, I wouldn't crack and that my game face would stay solid.

•••

When the door rung, a string of nerves ran through my whole entire body. I literally felt like jelly. I felt his presence before I even stood to open the door. This was the first time I was seeing him since all the rubbish went down, and I was incredibly nervous.

Standing to my feet, I strolled over to the front door and pulled it open, coming face to face with the man I'd been trying so desperately to forget.

I completely froze.

I was aware I had frozen but it was like I couldn't move my body. Paralysis had taken over every inch of my body as my eyes trailed over his features. I missed him. So much.
As I looked at him, the one thing that kept running through my mind, was that, I needed him. I needed him in order to be whole. All the emotions... all the hurt, all the pain... all the love I had for him all dawned on me in that moment.