The Parallels (Larry Stylinson+Niall Horan)

Chapter 50

Harry

Heartless. That's the one word I would use to describe how I was feeling. I wasn't feeling love, I wasn't feeling generosity, I wasn't feeling happiness. All I was feeling was anger, hatred and frustration. Anger because once again I had let myself in a situation that left me stranded. Hatred because he promised, he promised but even that wasn't enough. Frustration because I had let myself be fooled, yet again. And the worst part was that I knew perfectly well that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat for him.

That is how much Louis affected me. From the first day that I met him, from the first time I was a stuttering fool in front of him, from the first time he talked to me without irritation seeping through his each word, from the first time he kissed me, shared his insecurities with me, asked me to be his boyfriend, spent the whole night with me, accidentally confessed his love to me to when he gave me one last thing to remember him by, everything hurt. Not that I would accept that anytime soon.

I couldn't help but wonder what could have gone wrong. What could I have possibly done? What could have happened in his college? From what I gathered from the phone call with that woman, it seemed as if it wasn't really Louis's personal choice. Even then, I couldn't help but think maybe it was. After all, didn't I always know that he was way better than I ever was or ever would be?

These thought spirals of mine were getting worse as the days passed. Even though I would never accept it, I was waiting for his call every single day. I tried to distract myself with homework and preparations for tests. I had always been an A grade student and I liked learning new things. I loved school stuff. Ironic that school is still the place I hate the most, eh?

I sighed and got up from my bed. I began tidying up my room and placing everything in their right spots. Zayn was going to come and pick me up in half an hour from now. They said that they wanted to go to a cafe as it had been a really long time since we last hung out like that. He wasn't wrong, though. All we did these days was hang out at one of our houses. It would be good to eat something that tasted better than my food. Be that as it may, I was a good cook.

Once I was done cleaning and my room was spot on, I put my clothes on- I'm naked half the time- and made my way downstairs, making sure to have shut my bedroom door behind me. It was a habit of mine that I had somehow still not gotten rid of. Whenever I cleaned my room with extreme precision, I would always make a point to shut the door. It had no logic behind it, really. I also cleaned my room a lot these days because that is what I do when I get sad and nervous. Honestly, I didn't mind doing anything that kept me from thinking and sulking about a specific person. Call it denial, I don't really care.

I slipped my feet into the brown boots I had stored in the corner of the shoe rack. I rarely wore them, but I felt like putting them on today so what was stopping me? I grabbed my pair of keys and stepped outside, taking a deep breath of fresh air in. I locked the door behind me and rushed to the front of the street, waiting for the car to show up. I had become quite restless for the past few days. I wanted to rush everything and I was sure that the lads had noticed.

"Hey, Z!" I greeted cheerfully as I opened the car door and seated myself inside.

"Hi, Haz. Excited for something?" he asked.

"Nope. Just my normal self." I answered. He nodded and began to drive in silence.

I couldn't help but drift back to the last time I was this cheerful and Zayn had asked me a similar question. It was the day I was going to see Louis after having spent a whole week without him. It was also the day when he told me that he had to go in way before we both had expected and planned for. Even though things did look up from there, it was short lived and they were back to zero again, maybe even worse. The smile that I had managed to put on had faltered and I didn't bother with trying to fake it again.