when my lighter drops

Death

As he moved the corpse on it's back the pit in his stomach matched the dark nights sky. But the slow calmness that was outside did not match the thoughts running in his head. The guilt, pain, confusion and anger was all swirling around like a whirlpool in his head. While adrenaline was still pumping he felt as though he was cemented into the ground and remained still. Not only did he just kill his brother but he had armed forces that where only just shooting for him. One by one each emotion was travel though is body at a painfully slow pace trying to make him suffer. The guilt of his brother dead on this ground because of him knowing what he did but the pain of not only the cold corpse next to him but his own physical and mental wounds. Confusion as to why his brother would try to kill him or was he just as clueless and the anger adding onto the fact of him not knowing that it was his brother and his brother maybe the same. While he was so angry he felt the drop of salty water drip down his cheek one by one to make him feel like he had let everyone down. His old life had been corrupted by such a amazing opportunity this could have been but which turned into a massive mistake and guilt trip. Although he did not realise what his life had turned into it was all hitting him at once the fact of which he killed people as a job as if it was as normal as can be. But so was his brother and such a thing could happen to so many. The civil war was tearing them all apart for all he knows he has killed other people he loves but never had the pride or manner to check the body of the soul he took.
He felt the need to stay and die painfully next to his brother because that's what he deserves. On the other side though would his brother want that, he knows his brother would never kill him on purpose and it was all just an accident. So maybe his brother would want him to get up and try to live and do the best he can for everyone and maybe stop killing people. But who was he kidding he had to kill people that was was his job the only thing he knows how to do and is trained for. Although it was only two options it felt like the hardest thing to choose between. Looking over at his brother he didn't have any tears left to cry just a heavy brick that feels as though it's been dropped into his stomach and is telling him not to leave and to stay. To stay and feel the fear and helplessness his dear brother felt while falling from the building. To stay and die alone with nothing but the navy blue sky to look up at as the world moves on with its time to them become a orange morning rise while he sits under it all and thinks about the horror he made for himself.
After what felt like 7 years later he decided to get up and move from the street but didn't know whether to bring is brother to give him a burial or not but the he thought about that again and told himself no. The sniper before he knew it was running and his head was telling him he was a coward and everywhere he looked the trees the signs everything told him all the bad things he was afraid of. All of a sudden his mind felt dizzy it all was spinning in a slo-motion, the soft touch of his hand against the rough tree and the stinging feeling near his heart. When he looked to see the floor wasn't moving as he felt it was and he was just running on a loop he saw it. The blood one by one dripping to make a trail from his chest and his strength stopped. This was how it was going to happen he killed his brother so karma got him everything that was happening he deserved. Why did he ever think that he could kill and leave is brother then live a happy life. People say you get a flash of your life before you die he never believed in that and this showed him he was right nothing but pain adrenaline guilt and sadness went though his mind. The nerves and emotions started to stop and he just smiled up at the sky. The closest thing he got to a flash was when his eyes lids stopped battering he saw a light. The he dropped into a dungeon of drained emotional and a pit of darkness.