when my lighter drops

blue

I think I've come to the realisation that I'm not far off from the fictional women I read about.

I'm not like them in such a way where they swoon any man, look unconditionally beautiful or can find such an amazing end.

We match in a much sadder way you could say.

The ways in which I let people take over me.

I can never stand up for myself to someone who is so superior.

Any guilt feels like It's my fault - even when I know it's not.

I don't hold out for as long as everyone else. I'm stubborn but I have too much pain for others. I can be angry but feel so bad.

Saying sorry seems so normal for me to say when another is hurting me.

I get my vulnerability and love taken advantage of.

I get laughed at and talked about - never good.

Feeling too scared to trust anyone else with the friendship I can give. The emotions I can give. My passion.

I don't try to say things for pity, but people don't know that so I just try to keep it about them.

My company can be enough for me.

I don't know much apart from the fact that I hide a lot of myself.

So now you can see how me and these girls, these women are so similar in a constant

weak and sad way.