Her Narcissist

"Island Boyyy"

laja

"I'm back babesss!" Hoe #1 called me Friday morning. I sat up in my bed, stretching out my legs and using my sleepy voice with her.

"I can't wait to see you, baby. I miss you so much. I bet you got more beautiful while you were gone."

"My vacation was amazing," she sighed into the phone. I could imagine her brown skin, and her petite body riding me already. "When can I see you?" she asks me.

"I can drop my classes today. I already handled all my work for this week. I didn't know you was gonna be back this early, but shit I can adjust."

"All for me daddy?" she cooed.

"Hell yeah, baby," I smirked, slowing waking up.

"Wow, Laja!" a voice cut in from the background. "You thought I'd go on a trip with my best bitch and not realize me and her were talking to the same lying chick?" Oh shit, that was Hoe #2. "What- What you mean?" I laughed nervously.

"Ima beat yo ass as soon as we get back to Houston, Laja," Hoe #1 yelled. The line cut, and I groaned.

"Fuck," I screamed.

"It's five o'clock in the morning! Nut some other time!" somebody above me shouted, banging on my ceiling.

I realized I needed to get out of my crib, so I quickly showered and hauled ass. Hoe #1 and #2 weren't gonna find me when they came back; I had to make sure of it. I called up Delya, but I wasn't surprised that she didn't answer. She was probably still in her feelings about our little disagreement. Thing about me is, I can bounce back from my emotions when they come around. I manipulate and maneuver my emotions and my actions to create the best outcome for myself. The people that get it, just get it man.

It's something like magic.

I hop into my truck and drive around campus, looking for something to do. Hoping to spot somebody I know, so I can chill with them awhile until my hoes calm down. "Eileah," I said all of a sudden. She was probably on the track for soccer or on her own will. She's probably still mad at me, but I can fix that. I feel like a renewed Laja. I had to remember who I was yesterday.

This Laja can do anything.

I park near the sports center since all the spots by the track are packed. I pull my Nike hood over my head and put my hands in my pockets. I stand on the side of the track for awhile, looking through the throngs of people for Eileah until I spot her. It looked like the soccer team was just finishing up, and Eileah's friend nudged her when she saw me.

"What?" Eileah approached me, taking a swig out of her water bottle. "You wanna hang out after practice?" I ask, chewing on my bottom lip a bit. "Stop doing that," she scowled, her eyes drifting down to my lips. "You're gonna make your lips cracked then they'll bleed." She looked like she wanted something more to do with me.

"Maybe I like blood," I whispered.

Her eyes went back up to mine, but this time I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"I usually get coffee or something with Ana," she then says, looking away and sighing. "Maybe some other time?" Except, she would probably put off this "other time" for forever.

"Break your routine," I smirked.

She started to walk away, so I switched up my tactics. "I thought we were friends? Do you not wanna be friends with me anymore? I wanted a chance to hang out with you," I try to make her feel guilty.

"Why are you hanging out with me? Somebody ditched you or something?" Eileah laughed, her expression showing no amusement. "A hoe dipped on ya ass?"

"Why would you think that?" I keep my face neutral.

"Because you only seem to do things when they benefit you, Laja," she shook her head. Her friend joined us, using her teeth to play with the hard straw on her water bottle. "Hey, Laja."

"Hey," I nod to her.

If I was really on my hoe mode, I'd be trying to get at the friend, but no...I'm tryna get-

"Wait," I frown.

"Huh?" Eileah looked up at me.

Shit, I said that out loud. "Nothing," I shake my head. "You're right. Two of my hoes found out that I was playing them for pussy and they said when they get back to Houston they'll end me," I shrug. "Delya isn't answering her phone, so I called you up. That's the truth."

"Damn, never thought you'd be a player," Eileah's friend said sarcastically.

"Hm. Did you ever tell me your name?" I turn to her friend.

"I don't remember. It's A-

"I didn't ask," I interrupt her, my smile falsely sweet.

"B-

"Ana. Chill," Eileah held her friend back.

"I'll pick you up after you shower," I told Eileah heading back towards the parking lot. "Ana can find something else to do," I add.

"You know what? N- No! No! Let me at her, Eileah! Stop holding me back!" her friend struggled behind me as I left the track.

"I don't even know why I'm in the car with you after you disrespected my best friend like that. You're lucky she told me to come. Probably wanted me to come so I could rip out your eyeballs," Eileah complained, leaning against the window.

We were in my car, heading off campus to go to Main Event. It wasn't a date or no weird shit, since she was my friend. We couldn't think of anywhere else to go, plus they were advertising a discount for today. "Sounds kinky," I tried to joke.

"Why not tell them you just wanna fuck instead of messing with their emotions?" Eileah shook her head, bringing up what I said earlier. I only shrug in response, assuming that she would drop it. "No. Tell me. Cause that isn't right, and that would make you a really fucked up person, Laja."

"I enjoy it," I mumble.

"You enjoy it," she repeated. She started laughing. "I am sorry, but I could not hear you." She turned off Charlie Wilson on the radio. "Repeat yourself."

"I enjoy it, Eileah," my voice sounded defeated and dark as I looked over at Eileah to gauge her reaction of my words. "So like, you're twisted or some shit?" Eileah turned towards me as best as she could in a seatbelt, studying me. "Some people get so fucked up from relationships that it changes them forever for the worse, Laja. Makes 'em suicidal. Makes 'em abusive. Makes 'em turn to drugs or alcohol. Why would you want to be toxic?" she demands.

"I don't know," I reply.

"You know. I've always thought this," Eileah begins. "If somebody can muster up the lack of morality to hurt somebody and destroy their self being, they had to have been hurt ten times worse themselves. I'm the type of person who feels bad for murderers and killers, because they must have been really hurt inside or empty to do the shit that they do. I don't excuse their actions, but I see that hurt that they try to hide. Who hurt you, Laja? For you to enjoy breaking somebody's mental down?"

I tried to speak, but I was at a loss of words.

"I don't know what to say," I finally admit. "I don't want to tell you, what happened," I decide. Eileah shook her head. "Well then, you don't have to tell me. Just...think about how you act. Think about your impact, Laja." I get onto the freeway, the steering wheel tight in my hands.

"I don't mean to be a bad person. It just seems like that's me, at this point."

"People always can change, Laja," she reminded me.

"But I feel like if you tried to pull me in two, you wouldn't be able to take the bad Laja from the hurt Laja. The hurt Laja is the real me. I feel like...the hurt Laja has been left alone for so long, so underdeveloped that if she was allowed to be seen by the world that she wouldn't really be a person. She'd just be a collection of a few things. Of a few times I let bad Laja step out the spotlight and I got to be genuine."

"You're pretty fucked up, aren't you?" Eileah commented, giving me a bitter smile.

"I never wanted this," I shook my head, looking away.