Her Narcissist

"Two Truths and a Lie"

laja

I can't say I felt anything when Eileah walked through my apartment door, but...a small piece of me seemed to come back together.

Ana held my thigh and I could see her hand, but I didn't really feel her. I felt like I was too far gone for them to try and bring me back down to Earth. I numbly sip my Coke, trying to push back the pity party that my brain wanted to force down on me. I'm already broken enough...at least I'll be able to keep my pride if I don't break down in front of them.

"What happened here?" Ana asked softly.

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why Ana (who seemed to express her deep hate for me each time I saw her) was being so nice to me now. "People," I mumble, barely realizing that I was speaking.

"Your hoes?" Eileah asks.

Something in her voice makes me look up. She's glaring at Ana, although her friend is staring down at the floor, listening to us. "Ana...can me and Eileah talk alone?" I ask. I was appreciative that her and Chad forgave me for everything, but clearly something was pissing Eileah off and it had to do with Ana.

"Yeah, I can," she shot me a smile and went to stand outside, closing my door behind herself.

"Sit down," I look over at Eileah, surprised that I could give out any sort of directions.

How long had I even been asleep? Would I still be able to go to my classes? Do I even have a car outside? I pushed my thoughts away as Eileah sat down next to me. "You fuck with a lot of crazy chicks, huh," her face twitched into a smile.

"Apparently so." I could feel myself slipping into old Laja, I just felt a tad bit emptier on the inside. I don't think that void will ever fill back up.

"Ana and I...we can help you clean up," she offered.

"What's going on?"

She stared straight ahead and shrugged.

"With what?"

I scoffed, knowing that she was playing dumb, "Between you and her. Your best friend." She only shrugged again, playing with the hole of her ripped jeans. "Eileah." She stared down at her lap, now playing with the hem of her boxers through the hole. I hated when you can see people's boxers when they wore ripped jeans, but that was something to think about later.

"We're supposed to be here for you, not me," she stated. "To check on you and allat."

"And I appreciate that," I say softly. "And I'm fine, but-

Eileah looked over at me, eyes tracing across my face like she was trying to memorize it. By habit, I made my expression blank. I can't be vulnerable. Can't let anyone in. I have to control what they can see about me so that I won't be surprised with anymore pain. She scowled, turning away from me. I felt guilt and shame and disappointment resonate between us. I'm sorry for the way I am, I wanted to say. I wish I was different, Eileah, I really wish that I was.

"I'll be fine. What'll make me feel better is knowing that you're happy and safe," I say. "It hurt me a lot to see North threaten to hurt you. I'll keep my distance from you if that's what you want from now on. I can't stand to see you hurt, and they're only doing this because of my actions and because they want me to feel their pain. They want justice...they want revenge. Two sides of the same coin."

"What confuses me," Eileah says slowly. "Is why I still...feel the way I do about you," she looks over at me. "Why do I still wanna be with you? The bad guy and the good guy aren't supposed to be together. They fight against each other. A perfect balance, like in a cartoon. The good guy always defeats the bad guy but the bad guy always lives, and then it's a cycle. Like a menstural period. Why are we different?"