Her Narcissist

"What I'd Do For You"

eileah

I wake up at ten o'clock in the morning to knocks at my door. I'm not in the mood for shit. How can I mourn somebody who hasn't been actively in my life in a minute? I force myself out of bed and grumble my way to the door. I look out through the hole and see Laja with one of those stupid chocolate arrangement things from the grocery store.

"What?" I yank the door open.

She freezes for a second then hesitantly hands it over to me. I don't have to ask her how she found out my mother had cancer because I know it must have been Ana's doing. "My mother's dying. It's not my anniversary," I accept the gift and put it on my coffee table. Laja comes in through the door behind me, locking it herself. "Sorry...I just. I didn't know what to do."

"You always know what to do. Except for in the moments that matter to me," I turn around.

"I've never tried to make someone feel better while they were dealing with news like yours," Laja admitted. "I'm trying my best."

"I'm sorry," I sniffle.

"It's okay. You don't owe me any apologies. Mine could wrap all the way around Earth, and that still wouldn't be enough," she smiled sadly. "Did you know," she stopped herself, shaking her head.

"What?" I ask, going to sit down on my couch.

"No. I'm just...no. It's embarrassing. I don't wanna make you think I'm weird," she blushed. My favorite past time now seemed to be watching her expressions. Looking for the real her underneath all of her layers. Am I getting the Laja I want or the Laja I need? I just want the one...who's her.

"Tell me," I say, trying to find distraction in Laja's embarrassment. Distraction from my mother's slow death. She might as well already be dead, my mind thought. I squeezed my eyes shut. No, I will not think that way.

"Fine," Laja sighed, giving me a small smile. "Sometimes I like to research random shit. I like looking up things about mental health. Or about history. I get fascinated by foreign countries and cultures," her eyes seem to light up in a way I hadn't seen before, "I like to learn languages and about theories that everyone else seem to think are too bizarre to believe. Um...did you know Earth actually has rings around it?"

A look of disbelief must have crossed my face because she laughed. "I watched a YouTube video about it and apparently the rocks are so small that it isn't as visible as Saturn's rings, you know. The rocks are remnants from a crash. It's just small debris now, but some believe that a long time ago there were larger rocks and debris. And they believe that formed into the moon. Technically every planet has rings, a ring of rocks around them, some just aren't as visible as others."

I smile, seeing her genuine excitement. It was helping melt off some of my sadness. It made me want to oddly live for something. "I...I was also watching this video and it explained stuff about radioactivity and bones. I watched this Netflix show and it got me interested in radioactivity and stuff like that. Did you know radium absorbs into the bones like calcium?" Laja shook her head in amazement. "I just think that's pretty fascinating," she smiled to herself.

"I like this side of you," I admitted.

Laja frowned and the gates to her vulnerability seemed to close with that action. "I don't want people to think I'm different," she told me, playing with her fingers and biting her lip. I grabbed her chin and turned her towards me. "I don't think you're different. I think you have an interesting outlook on life. On philosophy. Although it may or may not align with Machiavelli at times. And you're amazing with words and you love learning about things that make this world what it is."