Her Narcissist

"What's Right is What's Wrong"

laja

After we left Main Event, I didn't know where to go next. It was almost four o'clock, and I hadn't gotten anymore texts from Hoe #1 or #2, but I still didn't want to chance going back to places that I usually was at. "I can call up Ana. She's the friend that always knows when something's going on around town or there's a kickback or some shit," Eileah suggested.

"I don't really wanna be around other people right now," I said, then sighed. "Never mind, that's fine. Whatever Ana comes up with," I changed my mind quickly. Maybe it's for the better.

"I'll call her."

She rung up her friend on speaker phone and loud slurping noises filled the car. "Yea. You like that? You like that? Ohhh fuckkk. Bloody- Bloody Jesus!"

"Ana," Eileah screeched into the phone.

"Oh shit! In my ass, daddy?" she moaned.

"Ana!"

"Huh- Fuck-

We heard the sound of a bed creaking then Ana sent a request to FaceTime Eileah. Eileah accepted it and started laughing as soon as we both saw Ana's man moving out of the camera. "Girl."

"Sorry. I think his handcuffs answered the phone," she told us with a dead serious expression. She held them up into the camera and I momentarily caught a glimpse of his bare ass and his maid outfit in the background. I quickly moved my eyes back on the road after that. "I'm not even gonna ask. I'm just gonna speak," Eileah held up her hands. "You know anything going on today? Me and Laja chilling and she don't really wanna be at one place too long."

Damn, tell all my business, huh?

"Hmph," Ana said, sending me a dirty look through the screen when I glanced back. "Well. I could have a party here. I'm over at Chad's," she then said.

"Ight. What I needa bring?" Eileah asked.

"Fine bitches. This party finna be lit. We can have it in two hours. The best parties are always unplanned. Shit, Chad got the drinks. Find somebody to bring the weed."

"Ight. I got you," Eileah smiled. "Amanda from soccer then?"

"Hell yeah. Her daddy has a medical marijuana business."

Eileah hung up and turned to me. "Looks like we got a party, then."

"I don't really do parties. People forget themselves there," I said distantly. "Maybe me and you could just chill together at the party," I trailed off.

"We could, but I like to get wild," Eileah shrugged.

"Says the lightweight," I rolled my eyes, scoffing.

"People forget themselves at parties but you forget your manners all the time," Eileah said pointedly.

"Mm," I hid my smirk.

"We should talk about the basketball game," Eileah said out of nowhere. "What about it?" LSPC had won that night against the other HBCU, me and Delya had went and got crazy at a few after parties, and that was about it.

Oh. This is about when Eileah walked out probably.

My face snapped into a scowl unintentionally. I didn't do anything wrong, so what is there to talk about? Shit. She was being too sensitive.

"See. Look at you now," Eileah accused. "You are such an ugly person, Laja. On the inside," she added the last part.

"Cap," I say softly, because some of me thought that might be true. "Whatever," Eileah sighed. "I just wanted to let you know that I was a bit stressed but I also wasn't overreacting at the same time if that's what you happened to think. You were going too far. Touching me and shit."

"That's how I play," I explained tiredly.

"But I'm not the one to play with," she said, like she was explaining something difficult to a young child.

"You do all ya friends like that? You try to play with Delya's pussy?" she then asked. "Whoa," I chuckled, trying to keep my hands from shaking too bad as I drove. Shorty really was starting to blow me. "Just because you're crushing on her and she only wants you for pussy doesn't mean you gotta come sideways at me," I snapped.

"Oh. So is that what I mean to her? You know, you and her have a weird way of thinking when it comes to people. Y'all enjoy using, manipulating, and hurting other people," she said, disgust in her voice.

"Eileah, I didn't mean-

"Nahh, you always mean what you say Laja. Shit doesn't randomly come outta people's mouths," Eileah argued. "You try and turn around everything on other people then wonder why you're always in drama or nobody likes you."

I slowed to a red light and squeezed my eyes shut as I felt tears starting to prickle. "And I don't- What are you doing? Are you constipated? Finna whip out a secret hidden power? Why you closing ya eyes like that?" Eileah asked, confused.

I tried to make my sniffle silent but the radio was off and the thru traffic was light. "Are you crying, Laja?"

I turned my face away from her and tried to quickly press my knuckles against my tear ducts to soak up my tears before they spilled, but a few still managed to drop- and on the cheek nearest to Eileah of all places.

"Laja," Eileah repeated.

More started spilling, like my eyes had to pee and had finally had enough. I couldn't stop myself as I started sobbing. I didn't even know why because inside I only felt mildly irritated and confused; nowhere near sad. A car honked behind us and Eileah sighed, turning on my hazards. "Laja, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just wanted to have a genuine conversation with you."

Is my brain broken or some shit?

I felt my body crying, but like always, it was like I was lost inside of my mind. Debating something while my body did another thing. Walking, doing work, talking, it never seemed to matter.

Why am I crying? Am I trying to manipulate her into feeling bad for saying the things she just did? But wait, that's a conscious decision I'd usually make, to manipulate people. I had started crying out of nowhere. This is different. This is...genuine.

God, I'm so fucking broken.

"Eileah- Eileah- I'm sorry," I whispered.

No, I can't let the real Laja out. I tried that with Aunt Sarai, and I saw how that went. I need to keep being the better Laja, the one who has the right emotions for the right moments.

The one who might be a narcissist.