BBH oneshots

Incorrect quotes

George , playing a VR game: You see, that's the thing. It PROBABLY is fine. It's PROBABLY 100% okay. There are PROBABLY no spiders in this headset.
George : BUT- as you may be able to relate to- If you find a spider in your headset, and then have to put that headset on to play video games...
George : YoU jUsT dOnT gEt ToO cOMfOrTaBlE

Sapnap  : Truth or dare?
Dream: Dare
Sapnap  : I dare you to kiss the cutest person in the room
Dream: Hey Sapnap
George , blushing: Yeah?
Dream: Could you move? I'm trying to get to Bad

George , walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Dream: Hey.
Sapnap : Hi.
Bad : Hello!
Techno: sup
George : I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Fundy: We were out of Doritos.

xd, talking to Bad on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Bad: You bet!
xd: At what temperature?
Bad: 535.
xd: That's the clock.
Bad:
xd:
Bad: 536.

Good: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Bad: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Egg: Smad.

Dream: What time is it?
George: I don't know; pass me that saxophone and we'll find out
George: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Sapnap: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
George: It's 2 am

*Tommy and Bad sitting in jail together*
Bad: So who should we call?
Tommy: I'd call Dream, but I feel safer in jail

XD: Bad and I don't use pet names.
Philza: I see. Hey, what do you call a baby cat?
XD: kitten?
Bad: Yes, dear?
XD:
Philza: Don't ever lie to my face again.

*The group is getting into the car*
Techno: I'm driving.
Bad, out of view: Shotgun!
Skeppy, turning to face Bad: Aww! But you had it on the way here-
Everyone except Bad: WOAH-
Bad, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

Skeppy, driving Bad and A6D: So how was your day?
Bad: We almost got surprise adopted!
Skeppy: What?
A6D: We almost got kidnapped.
Skeppy: Oh, okay.
Skeppy: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Bad: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.
skeppy: You and me!!!
Bad, tearing up: Okay.

Tommy: Am I in trouble?
Bad: Take a guess.
Tommy: No?
Bad: Take another guess.

Tommy: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Tubbo : Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Wilbur: What's something you guys are better than George at?
Techno: Mario Kart.
Dream: Yeah, video games.
Bad: Emotional vulnerability.

Wilbur: Why isn't the statue smirking at me?
George : It isn't smirking at anyone, they're all just imagining it.
Wilbur: Three of us saw it, George . How do you explain that?
George : *points at techno* Sleep deprivation. *points at Dream* Paranoia. *points at bad* Delusional personality disorder.

Wilbur: Anyone d-
Bad : Depressed?
George: Drained?
Dream: Dumb?
Techno: Disliked?
Wilbur: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

*The squad is over at Dream's house*
Bad: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Dream: ... N-No...
Dream, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Bad, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
George : I see a-
Dream, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Bad: Oh, well I-
Dream: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Dream, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Wilbur: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Techno: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Dream: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Dream: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Dream, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Dream: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Skeppy , pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Dream:
Bad: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Dream:
Dream, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*
Dream: Thanks fam!
Techno: oh no
George : *cries* I love you too
Skeppy: Sounds fake but okay
Bad: *A flustered mess*
Wilbur : can i get a refund

Dream: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Bad: >:O language
George : Yeah watch your fucking language
Sapnap: OKAY WHO TAUGHT GEORGE THE FUCK WORD?
Dream: 'The fuck word'.
Bad : Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
George : Oh my god they censored it
Dream : Say fuck, bad.
Sapnap : Do it, bad . Say fuck.

Dream: I'm gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.
Techno: Only if you also don't ask why
Techno: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.
Dream:
Techno:
Dream: This one is fine

XD: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Bad: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?
XD: No! Four to five seconds!
Bad: Too late!!!

*everyone*: Okay, truth or dare?
Bad: Truth

*everyone*: How many hours have you slept this week?

Bad:

Bad: ...Dare
*everyone*: Go to bed.
Bad: I don't like this game

Dream: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Bad: What did you do?
Dream: Nobody died.
Bad: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!