Lemon Grass and Sleep

BACK TO HOGWARTS

I was quite silent on the train ride back, we all were. It was a little awkward, less so when George eventually fell asleep and we giggled at Fred poking him and Glinda mocking his snoring.

It wasn't like I could deny it was because of me, and that led to some guilt on my part. Worried glances when they thought I wasn't looking, and silent checkups with facial expressions I could only see out of the corner of my eye. It was a little annoying, I'll admit, having them communicate like I wasn't just beside them. But they were trying to help, and I could acknowledge that, I guess.

"Fancy a trip to Hogsmeade this weekend?" Fred whispered to me, nudging my knee with his own to get my attention.

I turned from the window, nodding sluggishly, before leaning onto his shoulder. My body felt fatigued and weak, and I briefly wondered if I was sick again.

"Seasonal depression," Fred had proudly proclaimed as we were packing before we left Grimmauld Place, "You're going through a seasonal depression."

"Alright," I had agreed at the time, but I don't think seasonal depression would so easily lead to such horrible nightmares. Part of me had wanted to say it was Grimmauld Place itself, the bad energies of the people who used to live there permeating my subconscious.

But who was to say, really? My hypothesis would be easily disproved as soon as we were back at Hogwarts.

The train ride was soothing, then again I felt like I was being soothed a lot lately. Perhaps that was the universe doing its best to comfort me in its own way, through other people. Fred was waking me up before I realized I had fallen asleep, and it was back to doing classwork and slipping places to hang out secretly.

I distinctly remember suddenly becoming aware in a DA meeting, with Fred standing beside me. Everyone's gaze was trained on Harry as he explained how to properly cast a patronus, and how to channel our thoughts to the most happiest moments of our life.

"Letting a single bad thought into your thought process can throw off your entire focus and ruin the cast," Harry explained firmly.

It was odd, he looked...drained. He looked like how I felt, weak and fatigued, like every movement his body made was costing him great effort. I turned to Fred, who gave me an encouraging smile and gestured for me to go first.

Everybody has heard the phrase 'clear your mind', and I feel like nobody acknowledges that's one of the most difficult things to accomplish in such a short amount of time. I couldn't imagine having to focus this hard in a battlefield in order to cast a patronus on short notice.

"Think of the happiest memory you can muster," Harry spoke loudly, weaving all in and out around the paired up students. "Let it fill your mind, make it the only thing you think of as you cast your patronus."

"Expecto patronum," I cast, swinging my wand in a circle as delicately as possible. Nothing happened, and I glanced around the end of my wand looking for the telltale wispy whiteness of my patronus.

"Just remember, your patronus can only protect you as long as you're focused," Harry called out again, "So *focus*, Luna."

There was a pause, I stared at Fred as his eyes slid shut and he focused his mind. I'll admit, it was one of those odd things I found attractive. Seeing him so in his element, concentrated on the task at hand.

"Expecto patronum," Fred cast after me, a spark shooting from his wand briefly before fizzling out. His excitement was contagious, and I couldn't help but let out a shocked laugh at the small breakthrough.

"How did you do that?" I asked quickly, bringing my wand back up.

"Um," he sputtered, his cheeks flushing, "I thought of happy..things."