Always and Forever // H.S.

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November 14, 2017

Danielle Scott

I prohibited Harry from telling my aunt anything. My aunt knows absolutely nothing about my suicide attempt and I intend to keep it that way. She'd probably try to send me to an asylum if she found out, so no thank you.

I lied to her and told her that I was at Harry's for the whole week. She didn't ask many questions, just threw a fit about disobeying her. It was also a miracle that the hospital didn't contact her while I was there. 

I'm back home now, they dismissed me after a week and said I was okay to be released but gave me some crisis hotline contacts and brochures in case I needed the info in the future. I took them but once I left the hospital I threw them away. They were nothing but trash because nothing could help the way I still felt.

Harry and I are currently laying on my bed after coming home from the hospital. I'm resting because I still feel a little weak but I should be fine.

I mean how much better can I get after being raped? 

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" He answers.

"I haven't told you what really happened at the party." I speak up quietly and feel him turn to face me so I continue. "A week ago, the day I almost committed suicide, I overheard this girl in the bathroom saying she would be throwing a party at her place. We spoke and eventually, I met up with her there that same night." I tell him but held back some details.

"The party you took drugs at?.." He assimilates my words. "Where you also drank alcohol until you were too drunk to realize you answered my unwanted call?" He questions already knowing the answers.

"Yeah.. I took drugs and drank alcohol without limits because I wanted to numb the pain with whatever I could get my hands on. I was way out of it but yet somehow I still made it home safely by walking." I confess to him and he gets up from the bed fully facing me.

"How could you walk home alone while intoxicated?!" He questions suddenly angry with me.

"I was drunk, not stupid Harry." I roll my eyes sitting up carefully. "The point is.. I know what I did that night. I did it to feel normal for one night. It's hard to explain it but it was needed." I look at him asking him to understand why I did it.

He stares at me with this look I couldn't quite decipher and then he speaks up.

"Look.. i'm not judging you, you know I wouldn't do that.. you were in a very very tough situation and you felt helpless. Trust me, I understand that much. But.. you'll always have me.. even when you're at your lowest. Just like how you've been there for me at some of my lowest points in time. It wasn't on you either.. the fact that you were raped.. it really wasn't. That fucker was the one who shouldn't have been there when you were still there Dani.. and if I could go back in time.. I fucking would. I'd take you home myself."

I sigh feeling the same emptiness i've been feeling lately ever since I was raped. His speech caused a sudden mood swing in me and I couldn't help it. Ever since I tried killing myself, i've began experiencing mood swings again.

"Thank you for everything Harry, but you should go." I get up from my bed walking towards my window. I avoid his eyes and stare out of my window instead, observing the cloudy rainy weather.

My eyes suddenly tear up as I bring my arms to hug myself. My tears threaten to spill but I don't let them. I hated feeling this weak and helpless. I never used to cry before and look at me now. I'm a fucking mess.