Always and Forever // H.S.

14| she

Danielle Scott

Carson is kissing me!

He kisses me ever so passionately while my lips stay frozen but then my body controls me and kisses him back in sympathy letting him soak up that moment that he'll never have again. I don't feel anything other than sympathy for him though. This kiss means nothing to me.

He pulls away slowly and leans his forehead on mine, looking into each other's eyes. I try to come up with something to say, that won't push him over the edge.

"Carson.. I-"

"I'm sorry.." He cuts me off quietly almost whisper-like. "I'm so fucking sorry for everything.. please forgive me Danielle.." He admits with a sorrowful look and his hair all over the place, dried tear stains on his cheeks.

All I can do is stare into his very blue eyes which looked slightly red around the pupils because of all the crying he had been doing. I hold the eye contact for a few more seconds, before I gulp nervously opening my mouth to speak.

"I-I don't- Carson I don't know if I can do that.." I inhale and exhale. "-yet.."

He keeps me close, our foreheads still touching and I let him hold either sides of my face with his palms because he's at his most fragile weak-minded state and I don't want to be the cause for him to completely lose it. I'd rather keep things calm and slow.

"It was a very long shot I know.. I just had to try.. but I understand.. it's gonna take time right?" He switches between both of my eyes and I do the same occasionally looking down at his chest, placing my hands over his wrists to try and remove his hands from my face. I nod indicating that he's correct and he nods back in understanding. He lets go of my face and I try to walk away from him but as i'm doing so, he calls for me again.

"I'll try.." He starts.

"-to find my reason to stay." He finishes and I turn back around speed walking over to him to give him a quick hug. He hugs me back caught off guard at first but still ends up hugging me tightly not wanting to let go.

Eventually, he lets me go and I walk away turning the door knob to exit back downstairs.

I check my phone as I head downstairs and notice it's been almost 45 minutes since I was up there with Carson and Harry was probably worried sick looking for me. I look through the crowd and push through them to find Harry but then I hear my phone ring. I pick it up when I see the caller ID.

"Hey where are you?" I ask him before he even gets to ask anything himself.

"Dani i've been looking for you, where are you? Why'd you leave?" He overpowers me.

"I'm leaving the party, meet me outside at the car." I tell him before hanging up.

I start walking outside right when some random couple bumps into me and spills their alcohol on me, leaving me smelling like cigarette smoke mixed with alcohol. I get outside and notice Harry already by the car waiting for me.

"What happened to you?" He questions.

"Someone spilled their beer on me. Anyway, I just had the weirdest thing happen." He listens cautiously as he unlocks the car so we can get in and talk safely.

"Initially, I tried to leave the party because I needed some air after the thing with Jacob. But then.. I ended up in Carson's room.." Harry slightly tenses up but keeps listening.

"So i'm in there and I realize i'm in Carson's room because of the pictures and trophies. Then, someone speaks up behind me telling me that I shouldn't be in there and I turned and I saw it was him right, and then like I told him I was leaving and he got all upset about other stuff and started yelling and saying he hated himself and that he knows everyone hates him and that he just can't live like this anymore.. and I mean I can't believe I felt sympathy for him but I guess there's a first for everything." I pause for a second thinking carefully about how to share this next part. I don't want Harry to rush back in there and start another right with Carson. Especially, since he's in a very vulnerable and edgy state right now.