Can I love again? [a Roman Reigns story]

1 A new beginning

I took a deep breath and tried with everything I had in me to suppress the panic that was already rising in me. I had always been afraid of new, unknown things, but I felt that it was time. It was time to leave my past behind me and look into the future.

A new beginning. Sounds so simple to many people. But for me it meant that I really had to come out of my shell and open up to the world. For two years I had avoided it as much as I could. In my hometown, everyone knew what had happened. And I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take their pity anymore. As long as I was there, I would always be the poor girl that fate had taken everything away from.

At some point I had enough and quit my job at the beauty salon and started looking for a new job. I would have loved to stay where I could indulge in my memories. I didn't want to leave the place where I was closest to them. But enough was enough. I couldn't go on like this. It was not healthy. 

And here I was. Backstage in some arena in a random city. My new supervisor showed me where they keep everything we needed for makeup and hair. Attentively I listened to her. I tried to come across as friendly and enthusiastic. However, I was not sure if I succeeded.

Part of me was looking forward to the new task in my life. Another part was scared to death.

"Okay, now you've seen everything. I'm really looking forward to working with you. Please don't hesitate to come to me if you have any questions or suggestions. But now we should go to the creative meeting. That's where we'll discuss ideas and plans for the next big event." said Amanda when she was done with her tour.

"That's probably a good idea. I don't want to be late on my first day." I replied, forcing myself to smile.

"Don't worry, I'm right there with you. And I'm always happy about new influences, so please, don't be shy and share your ideas for looks with our team. I know it's not just the hair and makeup departments that are always craving new inspiration. The costume designers also need new input." she explained to me.

She loved her job. That much was already clear to me. Amanda had a passion and felt very comfortable in this environment. I hoped that I would be able to succeed in doing so as well.

On the way to the room where we would meet with the rest of the staff, she chattered on and on. I was glad that she didn't expect much from me, because I was still trying to process the many new impressions. I hardly noticed where she was taking me. What I did notice though were the curious eyes that followed us.

Again I took a deep breath. No need to panic. You are the new girl. It's normal for people to look. No one knows about what happened. No one will ask you questions and remind you of what you lost.

I lifted my gaze and met the stare of warm, brown eyes. The look was so unexpectedly penetrating that I quickly lowered my gaze again and followed Amanda. And yet I had the strange feeling of still sensing those eyes on me. Hesitantly, I took a quick glance over my shoulder and saw it immediately. He was indeed still looking at me.

Heat rushed to my cheeks. With a practiced movement, I brushed my hair forward so that the side of my face was hidden behind a curtain of hair.

I was no longer used to this kind of attention. So it was quite possible that I was imagining everything. Hopefully I was. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself.