Can I love again? [a Roman Reigns story]

15 Past and future

"Okay, Mr. Reigns. Here we are. Make yourself comfortable." I said as I closed the door to my apartment behind us.

Roman looked around and gave me a puzzled look.

"It's a lot smaller than I would have guessed." he said as he kept looking around.

"Well. I don't need much space. I moved here about six months after the accident. At the same time, I changed back to my maiden name. I sold our house because I just couldn't take it anymore. There were just too many memories, you know. I donated most of their stuff. That way, others still got something out of it. And I don't need material things to remember them. There are very few things that I kept," I explained to him as I walked over to my dresser where the framed pictures of them were.

With a sad smile, I looked at the pictures. The one of James and me on our wedding day and the one from the day we brought Eric home from the hospital. And so many more wonderful pictures. There were days when I could not look at these pictures. But by now I realized that it was getting easier and easier. I was very grateful for that, because to be honest I never thought it would get easier.

Roman stepped behind me and wrapped his long arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. I put my hands on his arms and took a deep breath. He had been such a great help in my grieving process without either me or him even realizing it.

"You are such a strong and impressive woman, Y/N. I know you probably don't think so, but it's true." Roman said, giving me a kiss on the temple.

"You're right. I don't think of it that way. But thank you anyway. I appreciate it." I replied laughing, turning my head to the side so I could give him a proper kiss.

We stayed like that for a while. No words were necessary. We just enjoyed the closeness and the silence. On the road it was rare that we had time for ourselves during the day. It was often hectic and noisy. This was a nice change of pace.

"Would you like something to drink or eat?" I asked after a while.

"No, I'm fine. I ate something at the airport." he replied.

The day flew by. It was really nice to have time just for us, away from work and our responsibilities. 

Roman had just been on the phone with his mother when I was cutting the vegetables for dinner. Then he suddenly stood next to me and held the phone out to me. I looked at him questioningly.

"Mom would like to talk to you." he said softly.

"Oh... um, okay." I said in surprise, wiping my hands on the dish towel before taking the phone in my hand.

"Hi Pat, how are you?" I asked.

"Hi, sweetheart. I'm doing fine. I was actually going to ask you this though. How are you? I know we just met, but I want you to know that you can come talk to me anytime." she replied quickly. I think she was a little insecure. She was just as sweet as her son.

"Thanks Pat, I really appreciate it. And I'm feeling a lot better. It's getting a little easier every day. Due in no small part to your great son." I explained and then put my hand to his cheek.

Roman looked at me with his big brown eyes and I saw his dimples appear as he smiled proudly at me.

I spoke with his mother for a few minutes until we said goodbye. She wished us a good week before repeating that she could be called at any time.

"Tell me, Romeo... Is it possible that your mother knows that I have a bad relationship with my parents?" I wanted to know.

"I think she sensed that was the case after I told her your parents live far away and that you've been handling everything on your own. She probably wants to take over this task. If that's too pushy for you, I'll tell her to back off," he replied while scratching the back of his neck.

"You take after your mother so much, Ro. You're both very protective. Which I think is very nice, by the way. I love you. And I already like your mother very much. I don't have the best relationship with my mother, so I think it's wonderful to have your mother in my life," I said.

"I love you, too. And I'm sure my mother does, too." he replied, laughing.

I took a step closer to him and put my arms around his neck. Roman looked as if a weight would fall from his shoulders. He was probably worried that his mother was going a little too far. But I found it touching. Probably his whole family was so compassionate. I could tell that family was everything to them and it made me proud that they obviously already counted me as family. And that after only 3 months.

----------------------

"Roman? I'm back!" I called as I came back to my apartment after having something to do in the morning.

"Hey angel. I missed you." he said as he came over to me and kissed me.

"Are you ready to go?" I wanted to know afterwards.

"Yeah sure. Are you going to tell me where you want to go now?" he replied as he took the key from my hand and locked the door for me after we walked out.

I took a deep breath while closing my eyes briefly to collect myself.

"We're going to visit Eric and James," I said as we made our way to the car.

It wasn't long before we arrived at the cemetery and I took Roman by the hand to take him to the eternal resting place of my two men. In my other hand I held a bouquet of peonies. These had been James' favorite flowers.

"Today it has already been three years. Three years... hard to believe. I come here often, but this day is especially important to me. Just like on their birthdays. However, this is the first time that I brought someone with me. Before, I always preferred to be alone. So I could give free rein to my feelings. But now... thanks to you, I've come to the point where I can bear it without breaking down.

Being reminded of their death will always hurt. I will always have scars on my soul because of it. But I think I'm finally ready to accept everything that happened that day. And I owe that mostly to you, Roman. And no matter what else is written in the stars for us... I will be forever grateful to you. Loving you makes it hard to be sad. And I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to have a future with you.

I know we've only been together three months, but it's feels a lot longer to me. In a good way. The best way. I thought you should know that." I explained to him as I put down the bouquet, my eyes fixed firmly on the white marble tombstone. The golden letters glittered lightly in the glow of the sun.

"I am glad that you trust me so much, angel. I promise you that I will always be by your side. Words are not enough to tell you how much I love you and how important you are to me. These three months were just the beginning. And one more thing... I want you forever. It may be too soon right now, but I want you to know that I already have plans for our future," he replied as he took me tightly in his arms.

My gaze broke away from the tombstone and met the most loving gaze imaginable. With every fiber of my being I knew that this man was sent to me by my angels to help me get over my past.