Can I love again? [a Roman Reigns story]

5 Cruel fate

Roman POV

"Y/N!" I called after her, but it was no use.

Worried, I looked after her and tried to understand what had just happened here. I had known for a while that something from her past was bothering her. Only I did not know what it could have been.

Without thinking about it, I followed her, but kept enough distance so that she didn't notice me. There was no way I could let her out of my sight now. Y/N was very upset and the last thing I wanted was for something to happen to her.

I saw her fold her arms in front of her chest and walk with quick steps back to our nearby hotel. My thoughts kept circling around the question of what her secret might be, but there were too many possible answers to that question. I really hoped I could get her to talk to me about it. I was sure that it would probably help her to confide in someone.

It pained me to see Y/N like this. The pain in her eyes was obvious to anyone who took a moment to look at her closely. Or it was only obvious to me because I really liked her. I couldn't stand to see her suffer. There had to be a way to help her.

After making sure she arrived safely at her hotel room, I decided to give her a few more minutes to calm down a bit.

The waiting already felt like pure torture after 2 minutes. I just couldn't stand it any longer, I had to know how she was doing.

After taking another deep breath, I raised my hand and knocked on the door of Y/N's room.

At first I thought she would just ignore the knock, but then the door finally opened.

Y/N cautiously stuck her head out the door and looked at me with her red, puffy, yet beautiful eyes. She sniffled.

"I should have figured you'd follow me!" she croaked in a raspy voice.

"I'm worried about you. Can I come in?" I asked gently. 

Without saying a word, she stepped aside and opened the door more to let me in.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" I wanted to know.

"It's a long story," she avoided me. She didn't look at me either.

Slowly I walked up to her and took her cold hands in mine. Y/N raised her eyes and looked at me sadly. It broke my heart to see someone I like so much so devastated.

"I have time," I replied simply and squeezed her hands lightly.

Only when I did that did I notice that she was wearing a ring. I had not noticed that before. Confused, I lifted her left hand a little and saw that she was wearing a beautiful yet simple diamond ring on her ring finger. There was also a necklace with what looked like a locket hanging from the ring.

"Y/N? Are you.... are you married?" I asked in an astonished whisper.

Instead of answering me, she burst into tears again. Her whole body was shaken by violent sobs. I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly. Even when she slid to the floor, I did not let go of her. I lifted her up and sat on the bed with her in my arms. I held her tightly to me.

It took a while until she had calmed down again. But that did not bother me. I just held her and slowly stroked her back. Again and again I repeated that everything would be fine. However, I myself was no longer so sure.

At some point she had calmed down enough to start talking. Her head rested on my shoulder as I heard her begin to whisper.

"I'm not... well I'm not anymore.... married. I'm... I'm a widow." she whispered in a broken voice.

Again and again she had to make pauses. I had the feeling that Y/N was saying this word for the first time today.

"Angel, I'm so sorry. What-" I began but she immediately interrupted me.

"That's not all." she whispered.

Then Y/N pulled the ring and necklace off her finger and opened the locket with trembling fingers.

"My husband James and our 2 year old son Eric were killed in a car accident. They were on their way to pick me up from work because my car had a flat tire. The driver who caused the accident was drunk." she breathed so softly that I could barely understand her and then she showed me the small pictures inside the locket. It was a photo of their little boy, who looked very much like Y/N, and of her husband. I swallowed hard.

Now it all suddenly made sense. I understood why she looked so fragile. I understood why she had trouble sleeping. And now I knew what she meant when she said she would never stop drinking again.

"I've lost everything I've ever loved, Roman. I don't know if I can ever love anyone the way I loved James and Eric again. I miss them so much." she continued to whisper as tears once again streamed down her cheeks. I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt, but I didn't care. I just held her on my lap. Y/N had to let out everything that had built up.

Y/N had experienced so many horrible things. Like more than anyone should ever experience. Losing your partner was hard enough. But your own child? That was so unimaginable. It was cruel.

"I'm so incredibly sorry, Y/N. No one should have to go through something like that. I know this sounds awkward, but I want you to know that I'm always here for you. You can talk to me about anything. Anything at all. I wish I could bring them back to you. I wish I could take away your pain," I said softly to her.

"I want to sleep. Can you help me sleep?" she said to me quietly at one point as she clung to my shirt.

Carefully, I got up with Y/N in my arms and laid her on the sheets. Gently, I spread the blanket over her. Then I took off my shoes and lay down next to her in bed. Y/N turned around so she could lay her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

I didn't know how I could help her to process what she had experienced, but at this moment I could at least help her to sleep. And that was at least a beginning.