Can I love again? [a Roman Reigns story]

6 A meaningful dream

Slowly, very slowly, I glided into sleep while listening to Roman's heartbeat once again. I was so emotionally drained and exhausted that it wasn't long before I began to dream. But even in my sleep I felt his arms around my body. When he held me like this, I suddenly felt so secure. Even though the guilt was there too, the security outweighed it.

It had been a long time since I had let someone get so close to me. Not only physically but especially emotionally. Roman managed to make my walls, which I had carefully built around me, shake. For me it was a sign that I was on the right path. And that still scared me to death.

Deeper and deeper I sank into the world of dreams. Eventually I hear the voice I always waited for as soon as I closed my eyes.

"Mommy!" I heard the voice of my little boy calling.

I wanted to answer him. I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms, but I couldn't. He was too far away.

"It's okay, Y/N. I'll take good care of him." I then heard the other voice I was longing for.

But I couldn't answer him either. I tried to scream as loud as I could, but no sound came out of my mouth.

"Listen to me, honey. I know it hurts. And I also know you want us back. We would so love to be by your side, but we can't. But that doesn't mean you're alone. We are always here for you! Eric and I will watch over you. 

I know you think you don't deserve to go on with your life as normal as you do. But you are wrong. You do deserve it. You can move on and find a new love. Believe me, we will send the right people into your life. We will guide you as best we can.

That is also the reason why you are where you are now. Unfortunately, we were only meant to be one chapter in your life, but you still have many wonderful chapters ahead of you! It's time for you to start the next one.

Don't feel guilty, honey! I know you like him. And there's a reason for that. We sent him to you. He's a good man and he'll take care of you. Don't push him away. He may not have survived as much as you did, but even he wonders if he can love again.

Never forget how much we love you, Y/N. We never left you completely. We are in your heart forever," James spoke tenderly.

With a jolt I was wide awake again. Slowly I lifted my head and looked into Roman's sleeping face. Even though he was sleeping peacefully, I could see how worried he still was.

I raised my hand and slowly stroked his face. Immediately I saw a small smile forming on his full lips.

James was probably right. It was time for a new chapter in my life. I needed to reach out and let myself be free.

I knew firsthand that life was short. We didn't know how much time we had. All we could do was live. With no regrets and without feeling guilty. I was sure that was what they were trying to tell me in the dream.