Can I love again? [a Roman Reigns story]

7 First steps

After I woke up from this meaningful dream, I spent almost an hour thinking about everything James had said. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around his words, but deep down I knew he was right. I deserved to have something in my life that made me as happy as I was then.

More and more words came back to me. That they would send the right people into my life and that the two of them were guiding me. Was that the reason I had applied for this job and gotten it? Was that why Roman had come into my life?

That was probably exactly the reason. Someone knew that I needed a strong person by my side to not only accept my past, but to leave it completely behind.

At some point that night, totally exhausted, I snuggled back against Roman's side. With a deep sigh, I relaxed. At that moment, I decided to listen to my boys and take the next step into a new life. I had no time to lose. Because honestly... I had no idea how much time I had left. Nobody knew how much time they had left.

When I opened my eyes in the morning, I immediately saw Roman's worried eyes. Judging by his look, he was probably waiting to see if I would immediately break down again. Never in my life had I met someone so compassionate. Even James had often had trouble understanding what was going on inside me.

"Hey." I said quietly with a small smile.

"Morning. How are you feeling?" he asked right away.

I raised my hand and brushed some of his dark hair out of his forehead.

"Actually... actually, I feel a lot better. But I'm sorry you had to see that," I explained to him.

"It's okay, really! I knew something was bothering you. And I wanted to be there for you because.... I like you a lot, Y/N." he murmured in a deep voice.

"I can't tell you how grateful I am for that. And just for your information. I like you, too. But I have a lot of baggage and I can understand if that's too much for you," I replied with a frown.

"Fortunately, I'm pretty strong. But now, jokes aside. I know you've been through a lot, but you were strong enough to overcome that storm. It didn't drag you down. And believe me, it would have destroyed a lot of people. But not you, angel. You're still standing. And that means you're a remarkable person," he said, almost making me cry again.

"I'm not so sure," I said softly and lowered my gaze.

Roman lifted my head with his index finger so that I had to look at him. There was so much understanding and warmth in his gaze. That look was enough to make me feel all warm and protected.

"Don't say that. Don't doubt yourself. You deserve to live your life." he replied calmly.

"Yeah, I've heard something like that before," I murmured as a sad yet hopeful smile formed on my lips.

"What do you mean?" wanted Roman to know.

"Let me put it this way... A voice in my head told me tonight that it's time for me to start a new chapter and that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be," I said, although I had no idea if it made any sense to him.

"Did your angels speak to you?" Roman asked me.

I could only nod, because when I thought about it, I didn't trust my voice. It made me emotional, but I knew it was the right thing to do. And there was only one way to find out if I was ready.

"Listen, I know I still have a long way to go. But um... I think I'd like to take these steps with you. It's okay if you don't want to, of course. What I'm trying to say is... do you want to go out with me?" I replied, stuttering uncertainly.

Roman started grinning broadly and I couldn't help but return that grin. He was really cute. 

"I'd really like that. What do you say we go out for breakfast together?" he asked me as he put his warm hand to my cheek.

I nestled my face into his hand and enjoyed the feeling for a moment. It was so pleasant.

"Sounds good to me," I replied.

For the first time in over two years, I felt light. The dream lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. It gave me the confidence for the first steps into a new chapter of my life and maybe even into a promising future.