Monét
I felt so drowsy, but I still felt good, I knew I was addicted to the weed, I didn't care, it was whatever, when my depression hit and my anxiety attacks started I fixed it, I handled it.
I tried going to a therapist but it never worked, it would never work, I was deep in , my only fix was Tay and weed, call me crazy but it's true.
"When Tom didn't catch MJ , I swear I almost lost my shit", I told her.
"Me too but that was a good one, all marvel fans deserve another one", she said leaning back on the couch.
How could one human be so attractive.
"It was good, we really deserve another one", I replied.
I comfortably cuddled with her on the couch , it wasn't my fault she was cuddly, very cuddly.
"Wait , are you okay? You freezed again, you stopped breathing", she cupped my face.
"Sorry for stressing you", I said softly.
Sometimes I had trouble breathing, I'd freeze out of nowhere, I knew I was slowly killing myself sometimes, but I didn't care at least I'll be with my two people I'd be safe and at peace with them, it would be much better than being here.
I never wanted to tell people about my problems, they'd think I was being a baby, if your mental health is shit , you can't do anything else, my mom called screaming at me for missing school, she didn't know how much I was suffering, I was dealing with grief, my anxiety and depression got a lot worse, heart problems got worse , everyone expects more from me is it too much, I was healing from a my worst breakup, it's whatever, I handled it without anyone ever noticing it , but Tay did , she always did.
I felt tears staining my cheeks, "Breath , Breath you're not breathing", I heard her voice , it was faint, she felt far away from me.
"Breath for me baby, deep breaths", she held me helping me breath.
I took slow deep breaths the way she told me to, "We'll go again, deep breath", I did as told, "hold it, I'll count to three then you breath out slowly okay?", I nodded.
"1"
"2"
"3"
"Breath out slowly", she instructed, I followed, we did that 5 times and I guess I was fine now.
"Are you okay", she hugged me , this time tightly, "Don't scare me like that", she said and I just stayed in her embrace never wanting this moment to come to an end.
"I love you", I told her simply.
"I love you too, do you wanna lay down a bit", she asked stroking my hair.
"Yeah", I softly told her.
"Okay come here", she put a pillow under head and sat comfortably and made space for me to lay beside her so she could cuddle me.
I'm supposed to be the one taking care of her but instead she's the one doing it.
I feel bad for letting her care for me this much.
*****
"What time is it?", I asked rubbing my eyes.
"5pm", Tay replied, watching me, didn't she sleep too.
Well that's late, "I fell asleep till this time, why didn't you wake me up", I asked.
"I didn't want to, Monét you don't sleep so at least you got some rest", she told me.
I softly smiled, "Thanks"
The lady I met yesterday called me earlier, I told her I could babysit for her tonight since her and husband were going out for a function, "So I got a job", I told Tay and her eyes almost popped out of her sockets.
"YOU got a job? What kind of job?", I rolled my eyes, "Babysitting", I simply replied.
"Since when do you need a job", she told me.
"Just because my family has money doesn't mean I can't get a job", I told her.
"Then why did you get it?", is she really going to ask me that.
Just because we had money doesn't mean I worked hard for it, and anyway I wasn't doing it for money, at least it could my mind of her, she didn't know that, I'd much rather choose this job than school, I'm failing anyway so what's the point.
"Tay because I'd cure my boredom", she raised her brow.
"Really?", she asked.
"Yeah, is there a problem with that?, you do underground fighting and I never questioned why you did it", I told her.
"You don't know anything about me??", she calmly told me.
"You never told me!", I practically screamed.
"You never asked!", okay now we were screaming at each other.
I hated it when we fought, she was closed off, she never told me a lot about herself, all l know is that she lost her sister because of some dangerous guy out there.
But I don't know the full story, "You wanna know why I did it? Do you? Why I still do it?", she asked breathlessly.
"Of course l wanna know"
"My sister was in a relationship with some guy , we hardly ever knew him, l asked her why she never introduced us to him, she told me it was because the guy wasn't ready, quite lame if you ask me, she'd come home late, sometimes she wouldn't come home at all, I noticed how she hid the scars on her face with make up like I wouldn't notice" I listened attentively, I didn't know it was this bad.
"I asked her why she had scars , she always dodged that question, whenever she'd go see this boyfriend at night I followed her, and I saw the guy she was involved with, he was a hardcore criminal, he is dangerous, I know he fought underground, because I've seen him there before, he won battles , he was the best", she continued.
"He didn't love my sister , he was using her but my sister never saw that because she thought she was in love, she was in danger, I got in and demanded my sister to go back home with me, she never listened because she was in "love", the guy threatened to slit her throat if I didn't leave, my sister was denial that was being abused, if I left he would beat her up like he did all the time, he is dangerous, If I stayed I'd watch her die right in front of me, so when I left, I called the police and dad, but they were too slow I never really left, I heard her scream, I ran back inside and her blood was all over", I was crying now.
"This monster said "I knew after you left you'd call the police or someone but I'm not stupid, here is your gift for not listening" after that he ran away but got caught it's been 12 years and he's out, the system was bullshit, and he's back in the ring and I want to avenge my sister's death", she cried while I held her.
"I'm so sorry, I had no idea, I'm sorry", I mumbled my voice breaking, "It's not your fault"
"Everyday Monét everyday I still hear her screaming, I still her in cold blood, I saw my sister take her last breath and I did nothing", I held her tightly against me.
"You had nothing to do, there was nothing you could've done", I told her softly.
"That's why I'm underground fighting Monét I'm doing it for her even if it kills me"
-xoxo.
