Monét
I didn't want to wake up, but I had school and I'll see her hell l always do, she hasn't tried to call me after I told her to leave.
Maybe I wasn't worth it.
Maybe I should give her time , this is a big thing, I just threw it on her when she wasn't expecting it, but I am bleeding, I don't know if it is rejection.
I'm scared that she'd say she didn't feel the same, because there's nothing I can do about it right?
I stared at mirror and my reflection staring back at me, my eyes weren't pleasing to look at, I had no idea how many times I cried I stopped counting when there was really no point in it.
Maybe if I have a blunt I can go through the whole day without completely losing my shit in front of the whole school, it'll be so embarrassing.
There was a knock on door , "Come in!", I shouted from the bathroom.
I know what my brother was here for, he wanted my car , I feel like my car wasn't mine anymore, I just rolled my eyes, "Lil sis you know I love you right?"
"Whatever you want you're not getting it, forget about it", he held his hand on his chest dramatically.
I rolled my eyes, "Pleaseeeee your car is literally the best thing, mine is not all that", this boy how's that my fault.
"You chose it yourself didn't you?", he sighed.
"I know but please? I'll make it up to you, I'll owe you one, pleaseeeee", ugh.
"Fine , no scratches please or I'll slit your throat", he smiled.
He grabbed the car keys, "Thank you! , you are the best, but you seem sad what's wrong did you tell her?", I felt nothing but pain when he mentioned her.
My heart was sinking, "I did, and she said nothing she told me we'll talk about it later, I told her to leave because I wanted to be alone, but she didn't fight me"
"Damn, maybe it's too much for her, she didn't expect it when she thought you were friends?", he was right maybe I was being unfair? I really don't know.
"Whatever it's fine I'll be fine can you take me to school", I asked him , "Sure, please don't take forever", I rolled my eyes, "Whatever get out I want to get ready", he left my room.
Mom hasn't really called since that day, I know she'd tell me she was busy if I did but I really hope she's taking care of herself.
My brother and l were grown anyway but sometimes you needed a mother, you needed to feel the motherly love, no matter how old you are , you'd miss being shouted at for smoking, partying, being reminded to go to school and not fucking up.
Sometimes you needed that, but we didn't we just had to do it ourselves.
We had to choose if we wanted to fly or drown.
I was drowning.
After I washed myself and my hair, it was wet and I really didn't have time to dry, so I'll go along with the wet look, I had no idea what to wear actually I never had an idea of what to wear , I need to go shopping.
I picked a red cute crop top which had a slit on the middle of the chest , my tits would sit properly and I picked brown baggy pants along with white sneakers and a butterfly necklace that I always wore no matter how much jewelry I buy I'd always wear this one.
It means so much to me, Tay gave it to me on my birthday, she knew I loved butterflies so she got me a necklace with a butterfly it was the best gift anyone could ever give me or maybe because it came from her? Maybe.
I was too lazy to wear make up , I did eyeliner and lipgloss , grabbed my bag and phone, "Uh aren't you eating?", My brother asked.
He wore black jeans and black T-shirt with a necklace, a Rolex and rings, white sneakers, by now you could tell his favorite colour is black , he also had curly hair, it was family thing, all of us had curls, my brother was fit he went to the gym, girls were always staring at him I never knew why maybe they thought he was attractive? Ew.
"No I'm fine", I told him , I was ready to leave but he was the one wasting time asking if I wanted to eat or not.
"You need to eat, at least an apple?", he took one and threw at me and I caught it.
I hate him omg, he was always making me eat.
"Can we go", Why was he stalling.
"Well actually I called Taylor to come pick you up", he did what? And since when do these two speak?
"I really hate you", he smiled, "I know but you two need to get your shit together, I really don't like her but I don't like seeing you like this", I rolled my eyes.
Now what do I even have to say to her when I see her.
Pretend.
Yeah pretend.
I'll pretend like nothing happened absolutely nothing.
"Have a awesome day asshole", I said sarcastically while he laughed.
Ugh siblings.
I closed the door behind me and saw her car outside.
Now smile bitch.
Geez I forgot about that, I smiled.
She rolled the window when she saw me, I opened the car and got in, "Morninggg!, how are you?", I asked hoping she'd go along with it.
She knew when I was pretending , I hated her for being observant, "I'm good , you seem happy?", thank God.
"I do? Maybe", I simply replied while she drove.
Why was she always attractive , I'm trying to get mad at her.
Every time she did her lip thing l just wanted to.....
Well fuck.
*****
School was okay I guess, I kind of paid attention but my mind would drift to Tay, she kept taking glances at me like I didn't notice.
I know she wanted to say something but she never did, it made me mad, but I'll wait for her.
I always will.
-xoxo.
