Monét
"Where are we going?", I asked Tay , her eyes were focused on the road, one hand on the steering wheel the other was playing with my hair.
"Leave my hair alone and focus on the driving",
"But I'm focused, you are jealous I love your hair more than you", I rolled my eyes at her.
"You're so dramatic, so you aren't going to tell me where we are going?", I opened the window for air.
"Nope", I gave her the are you kidding me look.
"Don't look at me like that, you'll see when we get there", she told me.
I rolled my eyes , we drove, I realized we were out of town, I was wondering where we are really going, we sang to a few songs that played, I fell asleep too.
"Monét, wake up we are here", I instantly woke up, we got out of the car , we walked through huge palm trees, they were so many, I loved greenery it was so beautiful, I was completely awed with the sight in front of me, "It's beautiful", I said my eyes trailing along the trees, I realized how quiet it was, it was peaceful, no cars, no people, just birds and fresh air.
I was caught in an ambedo , it was a melancholic trance where I was completely absorbed in, the tall trees leaning in the wind, I felt good, this definitely cures my anxiety, "I love you for this", I hugged her, she softly smiled at me.
"There's more, keep going", more? what's more that could beat this sight.
I kept going curious to see what was behind this beauty, "We are a few steps closer, keep going", Tay encouraged me.
As I got closer, I could see the sunset better than ever, it was a mixture of blue, purple and pink hues , I felt so giddy, I was in love with nature, sunsets, galaxies, stars, they just made me so happy.
I pulled my phone out to take pictures, they'd last longer and I'd never forget this moment, "It's beautiful isn't it?", she asked, I looked at Tay , I hugged her , tighter this time and longer, this was the best moment ever, I never want it to end I'd pause time if I could.
You know the calmness of rain pattering against the roof or your windows like an argument upstairs, except it wasn't an argument it was a lullaby putting you to sleep, it was exactly how I felt with her.
Tay makes me happy, I'd be the most loneliest person ever if she wasn't in my life, I know she'll be my downfall.
I wasn't ready to live without her, I won't cope, I'll be a complete mess, I was a broken glass, you can't fix a broken glass you have to get rid of it and replace it but she found a way to pick up the pieces and put them together perfectly without complaining even if they cut her she still managed.
But who was going to do it for her? I wanted to I really did but she won't let me, she won't let me do what she was doing for me, did she not trust me with her heart? Did she think I'd break it more than it is? Am I not enough?
She is fragile, not everyone could see it, but she is I could see it, I know it.
But I want her to know how much I loved her, if anything ever had to happen to me, at least she'd know that someone on earth really loved her as much , more than ever.
We sat on the rocks , she leaned her head on my shoulder, we sat in silence , watching the sunset, "What were you like as a kid?, I mean you are quiet, only speak when spoken to, but you are funny if you wanted to, did you change as you grew up?"
I get asked this a lot of times, I understood why , "Well I was very outspoken, I spoke a lot, my chair and desk would be put outside the class because l was trouble, I was a diva", I laughed at the memories.
"Then Iater my mom made me change school because we were moving so it would be far, it was hard living far from my friends, I had to make new ones, I was 13 at the time, the girls at my new school didn't quite like me as much, they bullied me, called me names, I had no friends, no one ever stood up for me hell I couldn't even stand up for myself, I didn't report it to anyone not even my parents or brother, I kept it to myself, I was afraid they would laugh at me and call me names again the ones they called me were enough", I told her as she listened.
"I lost my self esteem, confidence, I became quiet, I let them bully me and drag me down, I never understood why they did it, I did nothing wrong to them, all I ever wanted was to be friends, wasn't l kind enough, I grew older and I realized that they were just jealous of me, jealous that teachers liked me, that boys called me pretty, that I was smart and excelled in everything that I did, I realized I wasn't the problem, how could young girls do that to each other?", I said I surprised myself when I wasn't crying, I expected to be crying but I wasn't.
"You are strong, do you know that you are so brave", she cupped my face that I was looking into her green eyes.
"Who wouldn't want to be friends with a sweet girl like you, they were insane, I'm sorry you had to go through such", she told me.
"It's okay it's not your fault", I simply replied.
Ever since then I've always kept to myself, never speaking if I wasn't spoken to, it made life easier, I made sure to invisible, so nobody noticed me, and I never noticed anyone too.
It was better that way and I wanted it to stay like that, Tay is the first and last person I'm ever letting in, I was done with letting people in.
-xoxo.
