Monét
I hardly slept, I couldn't because she was all l could think of, maybe I should call her , or text her , I picked my phone up , she is on speed dial anyway, she picked it up on the first ring, "Missed me?", I rolled my eyes.
"You wish, I wanted us to talk about something, but you're going to have to come here or should I come? Or we can speak later, it's actually early anyway I'm sorry for disturb-
She chuckled, "Shut up, I wasn't sleeping , I'll be there in 10min yeah?"
"Yeah", I dropped the call.
Stupid stupid Monét why do you always panic.
Beats us too, wish we knew.
I rolled my eyes,
I wasn't ready for her to find out but I did want her to know, I don't think I'm brave enough to say it, omg this is gonna be so embarrassing.
Geez, I hate myself.
I heard the door open, I knew it was her, I stood up so fast you'd swear the house was burning , I know she's getting closer , "Hey girl, what's so urgent that needed to be discussed at 9am in the morning?", she asked, I knew I was insane when I called her to come here.
She is so attractive , it's making everything worse, I'm so nervous guess I'll just lie again?
"I wanted to ask you about this revenge you are planning honestly I don't want you to die", I told her , her eyes burned me , I couldn't even look in her eyes right now.
"Are you serious? I know that's not it, tell me what's the real problem"
Girl if you don't tell her.
Then what?
Trust I will blurt it out.
Ugh I hate it.
She looked at me intensely waiting for my reply, after this I'm allowed to die right?
"Uh actually I- l- it'll sound weird and unexpected", she raised her brows, "Calm down, take your time", I sighed.
Say it!!!
Omg.
"I kinda like you", this is when I wished a genie could appear and grant me three wishes.
My first wish would be to get rid of the embarrassment I was feeling.
The 2nd one would be wishing that I never existed.
The 3rd one would be wishing the ground could open up and swallow me up and I never return.
"Like I know it sounds super weird and unexpected, I never really planned this", I said not wanting to meet her eyes.
She cupped my face, "Look at me, breath", I did what she told me like a little dog, I was so embarrassed.
"It's okay, stop talking, you can never choose you fall for, it's not your fault okay, I need you to relax, but I planned for us to go somewhere do you mind if we could about this later yeah?", she told me.
I was happy she ended this conversation before I did, I just wanted it to end, "Yeah that's all , where are we going?", So we were going to act like nothing happened like I didn't confess and tell her my biggest secret that I wanted to take to the grave.
This was crazy, what if she says she doesn't even feel the same, I know she doesn't.
Maybe if told her that I don't feel too well, I could stay here in my bed and cry all day, and smoke, it is better , it always is.
Stop panicking, she said you'll take about it later.
What if she says she doesn't feel the same later what do l even do.
It isn't the end of the world, bitch stay home and cry yourself to sleep.
"I don't feel too good , I think I'll stay and we can postpone?", I asked.
She gave me a concerned look, "Really? What's wrong?", she asked.
Are you kidding me? You can't tell ? Man I'm definitely fucked.
I should have kept it to myself, we wouldn't be here, I swear we could be happy as friends while I battled with myself.
It was okay like that, I'd get over her eventually.
"It's okay, don't worry about me, can l be alone please ? I'll call?", she nodded , I could see the pain in her eyes but I ignored it, I watched her leave.
I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, thanks to my big mouth, and for believing that it was meant to be, I knew what she'd want to tell me later, and I didn't want to hear it from her I just knew.
I listened to music and crush by david achuletta played and it was crazy that I related so much to this song.
Why do l keep running from the truth
All l ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized so mesmerized and I just got to know
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing could go
Am l crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath when I look at you
Are you holding back like the way I do
Cause I'm trying and trying walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
I didn't want to face the truth, my heart is tired already, there was only so much a person could handle or was I being dramatic?
wish I knew.
-xoxo.
